Friday, June 5, 2009

Since when is 3 kids a tribe?

Okay, I am going to vent a bit here...I am really starting to give the stink eye to people who make comments about how many kids we have. Some are nice about it...like "Wow, I bet your busy!" Or "3 plus your brother is alot of work" I also get the jabs like you'll need a bus soon or do you take up the whole row at church? I mean c'mon people...last I check 3 kids is not a a huge number.

I remember when I had 1 kid for 9 years and EVERYONE told me I should really have another. I wanted more but the timing was not right. We married young and had our first young and finding ground together before adding more children was our plan. Where there days I thought I would only have one? Of course. And I was okay with whatever.

I don't know what the deal is. It makes me A) not want to leave the house B) Not visit anyone C) bite their head off.
Maybe it is my own insecurities...but no one knows what God has in store for us. we could have 10 more kids. * I can hear my Mother in law Gasping now :0)

If we want 3 more kids it is our business. But to make me or him feel bad for the 3 we have is rude. Maybe you don't mean to make us feel bad but it does.
So I bring this up hoping that you realize it is just as hurtful to poke fun of the family with 4 kids as it is for the family of one. Or it is just as hurtful to the mom and dad who have been trying for years to have a baby. What makes a larger family immune to the Jokes?
We all can plead our case.....I do listen to a few family members that would tell me that Matthew needed a sibling...I DO AGREE!!!! but the timing was not there...I do listen to the ones who worry about us and how we are doing having 4 kids...that is because they care...not because they have nothing better to do then to attack how many kids we have....

If I want 8 kids( and I really don't) and you want one or two....how does that make you any better then me? Who cares if I want a 15 passenger van outside my home? Obviously you won't invite us over and you won't come for visit. Half the time they don't hang out with me anyways.

I don't want to have to justify having 3 kids...So I don't get my toes done as often as I want (okay not once this year) I don't shop every weekend, I drive a 10 year old van, My house does not look like Pottery Barn , I have pencil drawings on the walls, toys everywhere , laundry 3 feet high and flowing hugs, kisses, and whining. This is our life..we have learned to embrace it , love it and no matter what we will be family till the end.



I have to share this story....My friend was very thin...one day another girl walked up to her and was commenting on how thin she was and how she had chicken legs...My friend smiled and then as we walked away she got really upset...she said "tiffiny, they make it sound so negative.. they act like I don't know I am thin...I don't walk up to her and comment how fat she is" I then realized that we are all very sensitive when something is said over and over and over again....and a shut mouth collects no feet.

8 ...Stalker Comments:

Laurel

You can only imagine the rude comments that our family has heard over the years. After we had our first 2 kids (boy/girl), everyone thought we had the "perfect" family. But ... no ... we were not done.


mama of 13 (yes, we take up a whole row at church)

Tiff

This is so true. I cannot believe how many people see our four and have comments, or see a couple without kids and comment about that, too. You never know what people are struggling with, and I am surprised how many people think they can make judgement calls for strangers!

Brenda

It's like everyone expects you to have 2 kids. I don't understand the people who aren't sensitive and keep their mouth shut. I have recieved a lot of comments too, and we only have 3. Now that Emma is one, I don't get them quite as much. Anyways, I feel for ya!

Heather D

Girlfriend, you tell them to mind their business.
I'm not callin' you Michelle Duggar yet. J/K.
I look at people with several children and am really in awe of how they do it. Because I don't know if I could. I think a lot of comments come out of insecurity/jealousy.
You, my dear, are doing GREAT!

Arlen_Kristy

Who cares what people think. Its between God, Jeremy and You. If people judge you that's their problem. I get a lot of comments because we have twins and I've had to learn to just be polite and walk away.

Grandma Rosalie

Just tell these "holier than thou people to mind their own business. Besides Kristy having three children her sister Jaime has four and they were all wanted. I have some friends that have five children and one of their girls has 7 children and a son and daughter each have five kids. There is nothing wrong with having enough love for a large family. I am proud of you both for taking on the responsabilty of your brother.

Anonymous

I totally agree Tiff, and trust me that I get more than my share of 3/4 kids by myself??? I might add to the list of sensitive subjects... non stop jokes about peoples pasts mistakes, failed relationships, business that didn't make it. If its not spoken out of love, keep it to yourself! Everyone has had issues, no one wants constant reminders about them!

Keep your head up, you are doing awesome!

Stef

3 little and 2 big liks

tiff...
since we had 3 boys in less than 3 years, i've my share of stupid, sometimes even a tad hurtful comments. my 'favorite' was..."don't you know what birth control is?".
no joke. someone ACTUALLY said those words.
i tell ya,lucky for me(and HER), i didn't haul off and wail her.
again, thank you for your post.you just said what MOST of us were thinking.
i LOVED it. :)