Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Truth be Told

Truth be told.

I have been to angry to blog. Anger has moved in., It has unpacked it's bags and is taking up space in my heart, but not paying rent.

I have tried to go with the flow. I have tried to smile behind the pain. I have let people walk all over me, I have not stood up for myself, my children or my family. I have let them say hurtful things to me and I have let them hurt my children by not saying anything.

I am  afraid that what I say will taken out of context. I know for a fact some will say I am over-reacting. Some will be mad at me and others will then in return blame me....and some might just walk away from me.

 A chance I am finally willing to make.

I have been nothing but grace. To much grace.

Taking it all in..worrying about it. Causing me ulcers....

Truth be told again....

I am done.

I am done. I am done. DONE!


Doesn't mean I don't love you. Doesn't mean I don't care for you. Doesn't mean I won't help you out.

It doesn't mean I don't love you.

It means I am keeping my safe distance. Protecting myself , my kids and my relationships with those who bring me joy.

I spent years of not letting my childhood define me or bring me down and I am not doing that again. I am trying so hard to not let this stuff define me. I am trying so hard to get through the day without going Bat shit crazy. Seriously.

Now I feel as though I have spent to much time letting others hurt me out of fear.

I know some do not mean to. I know some have good intentions. There are some who just don't care about how they make others feel.

They don't.

 I can't control them.

 Easy to type but very hard to accept.

I wish I could un-know things. But you can't do that either. Once you know something, you know it.

I know that Anger is Hurt.

I am working through the hurt and processing the anger.

Please respect me for who I am, how I react to things and my views on life.

If you can't then...I will not subject my kids or myself to be put in situations that cause hurt.

I know I am a good person and I know there are people who accept me for who I am and those are the people I want to be around.

Life is Short. That has been proven over the last few months. I am working on myself....sometimes others will get left behind in the journey and for the first time...I can accept that. feels good to not hide how I feel anymore.

I know my God will work in me...and I know that the steps I make and do are not to cause harm but to bring Joy to him and to me.

~ For Joy comes in the morning~