I wasted the day

I really did. I was lucky enough to have no hot water when it was my turn to take a shower. I was lucky enough to wake up 6 times in the middle of the night. I was lucky enough to play bejeweled at least 75 times.

I have no idea if it is the chronic pain I am in everyday or if it just having 2 small kids to clean up after, play with and love on. It could be just coming off a very busy week but I sat here feeling sorry for myself with my best friend the computer.

carter is sleeping now and Olivia is playing outside. I keep thinking I should really be doing something. Bills to be paid, rooms to be cleaned out, yard to be thatched, slime to be removed from bathroom mirrors and slider doors. I did vacuum , clean the kitchen, run the dishwasher and make my bed. I called and got my ABC channel set-up. I did manage to pull off a shower by asking the first person who walked into the door to watch the kids. But other then that i wasted a perfectly good day.

Why do I do this? Am i just overwhelmed? Do I just put to much pressure on myself? it is not like I don't get out of bed or shower (however I did not get one yesterday) or laugh when Olivia put on outfit number 11. Was it just an off day and I need a reality check? I feel on edge today. I feel like I could bite someones head off if they even tried to talk to me. I want to be alone. I want to crawl in bed and start over....start over my life, my choices, my failures and my successes.

Today I wasted the day....and for the most part I am okay with that..just feeling a bit disappointed.