Sunday, January 16, 2011

Spiritual Sunday

Spirituality is not defined by bumper stickers, fish logos on your mini van, how many outlines you have in your Bible, if you wear a cross necklace or if you go to church regularly.

Now these are all good if you want to share your faith and make sure everyone you come in contact with does not go to Hell but accepts Jesus as their Savior.

All was quiet a few minutes ago. Now they are circling my space like a bunch of fruit flies.

My chest is heavy. My thoughts are deep. I wish it wasn't like that. I wish for one day my body would not hurt. My leg pain would not be a constant reminder of where I have been and where I am now.

I know what I need and that is a strong relationship with God. God will try us, but he won't temp us. Only the Devil will temp us.

Just as if your thoughts will discourage you and depress you. Your thoughts are the most powerful thing you have.

Years of being talked down to, labeled as the "fat kid, fat child, the bully, the loud one, the one who just couldn't seem to get it right know matter how hard I tried. I spent years and even now feeling "just not quite good enough" Not good enough for my children, my husband, my kids, my friends and even God. Most of the later feelings came after the chronic pain. I am learning to live life with the pain but in order to do that I must get through the poor me, self pity crap.

I never gave up. I never let those the thoughts really define who I am. I just pushed them to the side. I stuffed them. Then I ate to console those feelings of inadequacy. Uncontrolled emotions because on the inside I had no stability or consistency in my life or in my thoughts.

Do I have faith or fear? Do I have Joy or hatred?

I ask for a soften heart in my marriage and with my children. I ask for the worry to be gone and the pain to be taken away.

My thoughts are are mixed. Some times deep and dark other times uplifting and I feel as though I am on the road to recovery.

I can control panic attacks. I am worth it. I am worth more then I feel or think at times.

When my thoughts are deep I can ONLY cast all my fears and anxiety on him because he cares.

I will be okay.

My house will not be okay. The kids have tore this place up in the last 20 minutes. They are now fighting. I continue to blog ignoring them. Thinking about my to-list. It is long.

I am blessed. Beyond blessed. The kid just peed on my least I know his bladder is healthy. that is a blessing.


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