Ruff-Ruff

I am a huge lover of Halloween costumes! Most people collect tea cups, spoons, arts & crafts, and other stuff you can display...but me it is ugly holiday sweaters and costumes!! This year Carter was our puppy. During the small amount of time we went trick or treating he would walk like a dog to each house...at one point going into a house and sitting there like a dog. House after house I had to coax him out of the house....one real dog even took to him as a play mate.

He didn't understand that you could only take one candy. He would reach into the bowl pulling out as many pieces he could with his chubby fingers...Nobody cared because he was cute...one house yelled for us as we where leaving so the rest of their family could see him.

Miss America went with her friend so I missed my picture moment....she wanted to be a witch but I don't like scary things so I bought a silver glitter wig and had her be a fun "Rockstar Witch"

And Matthew...he went to his first party.....

You can never get moments like this back...

My "little boy"....as long as I am living my baby you'll be..............







It would be fair to say they did not want their picture taken...But I wouldn't allow that...moments like your first formal dance and your dad helping you with your tie need to be captured.

It melts my heart...another thing that comes to mind is I am grateful God gave our marriage the help it needed to be together for events just like this one.....

I am proud of us....I am proud of my handsome son.

Shiny Noses...

Some day's...you can't help but adore them....other days you want them to fly away with other Reindeer...

Big Hair

Is it all bad I like big hair?? I have since 1992....I also like you could see my collar bone...ha!

Ready For A Change

* this is a disclaimer to my best friend*
I would really like a new blog page for Christmas

Anyways.....The first of the year is fast approaching!! I want to purge and organize this entire house...Big dreams..huge hopes..

September normally brings the "change" to the house...this September I had all three kids in school and I had no idea how busy I would be. I really didn't understand "living in your car" until this year...Pick up this one, bring this one here, and try not to let them beat the holy crap out of each other as we are confined to the mini ( we have three rows of seats but they all want to sit in the front row, go figure) going here and there.

I am not at home as much as I thought I would be. I do get Friday's off from parenting...I have a standing appt. every Friday, they go their Grandma's and after I run a few errands I come home and rest for a few hours. It is always something to look forward to. I wish I had more energy and felt better to tackle the Craft ( CRAP) closet...this year I will buy the totes..they may sit there.. However, I need to clean it out.

I was in the shower the other day and heard Liv screaming ( nothing new) I got out of the shower with shampoo still in my hair only to find her on the ground with Chutes & Ladders, CandyLand, Jumping Monkeys, a spilled color box, and every other crap project was all over her and the boxes hit her square in the face...that is going to leave a mark.

Among other things..I don't have a list for the New Year..I will just go along for the ride ...what ever God brings to me...the gift and ability to not procrastinate, organization skills, and abundant amount of patience if it never happens....I will go along with his plan, to just be who I am crap closet and all....

This Is How We Roll....

The best babysitter in the entire world...buy a cheap Golf cart ( one that breaks down every few blocks) and put your 15 year old in charge and see how long they are gone for....add the dog for a laugh.

Then you can laugh when family members spot your kids blocks away and take pictures for you...or when your neighbors give you kudos on facebook for having the best babysitter!

Lost in the trenches...

Lost..my thoughts always swirl in my head. I have mentioned that before. I want to blog. I want to write. I want to publish a book someday. My crazy life. However I have been lost and confused on what I should write or even what I should blog. I realized last night laying in bed that even if I don't share my story I can share my kids and there NOT so funny to me, but to everyone else they are.

My last surgery was not as successful as I had hoped. I went for a CT scan last week and of course my Doctor is out of the country. Go figure. Like he needs a break. Just joking he is a kick a** doctor who cares alot about his patients including me. I have been going to him for over 6 years.

Feels like I have someone stepping on my tail bone every minute of everyday. I continue my job as a mom and a wife but there are days I just want to do nothing. Crawl in bed and eat Oreo Balls...no joke. My counselor wouldn't think that was the best idea but I can disagree with someone who has BA degree in physc, right?!?

Yes, I have been seeing a counselor for over a year. It helps alot. If I go more then two weeks without seeing him my life seems to be out of control. I know I have a God but sometimes I get angry with him ( not a good thing) for this...this life...the one that started at birth.

I was telling my counselor how jealous I was of certain people ( for many reasons) like they have a job, they are committed room moms, they don't need drugs....and he asked me if I was to give them 5 back surgeries would they be the same person??

The answer was NO...their whole life would be changed.

I worry. I worry more then the average joe. I hate it. I hate going through each day learning to change my thought process. I hate knowing that it is all mental.

Sooooo....Mix mental with physical and you get someone lost in the trenches.

Another reason I quit blogging is the spelling Nazi's I have out there. I should have paid more attention in high school. I get that. Or in elementary school or in middle school...whatever. I am who I am.

If you critique my blog then don't read it. My insecurity is no more. I am who I am. I would have paid more attention..but when your home life sucks and you feel the way I did, you are not in the state of mind to pay attention.

So once again..I say I am back..my therapy for me is this..

The Story of My Life.....

Easter 2011

I know it way past Easter ( just be happy your getting a blog post to read) but I really want my blog turned into a book ( all the misspellings and everything) for my kids...


I love how their little minds absorb everything about God....

Carter is all boy! Seriously..don't lick the eggs!

And this is why we don't let him babysit

We might just come home to this.............

Or this...........


But at least their smiling and they are safe if they are all duct taped up.


Matthew never seems to surprise me. Whatever he can do to torture them he WILL.

April May & June

Seriously the days are running into each other..the months have gotten away. My break from blogging turned into a 3 month break.

Maybe it was needed.

Maybe I thought my phone would ring more , maybe I thought I would have more personal interaction. WRONG

I do know I wanted to live life for awhile taking a break from Facebook ( I only check it in the mornings) and blogging.

My kids are busy, whiny, needy and cute.

My recovery is alright. Still so much pain. Still alot of doctor appointment's and Physical therapy
I spend alot of time looking at the calender making sure I don't miss an appointment ( i have done that..imagine that) Arranging childcare...I have like 3 a week.

Matthew is a huge help however the hormones are invading his body full force still making him Alien boy. I mean who is this kid? This kid who can cry at anything but be so tough and independent all at the same time? Hand me a newborn please!

Olivia has to have over all the nieghbor hood kids. We have about 5 over everyday. It is fine till her bossy voice comes out and everyone must be sent home for re-grouping only to come back a few hours a later. She is so excited to go the mall and get her ears pierced. This will be before school starts and for her birthday. She keeps begging me to call her Grammy to take her.

Carter is just funny. He does crazy stuff! He has been riding with no training wheels for awhile and now is learning how to skid out and do jumps. he keeps up all day with the older kids. Saying things that are beyond his age and then not understanding why he is in trouble. He spits because he thinks its cool. Not so cool when it is directly meant for your sister, brother or mom.

In my 3 month blogging hiatus I have learned you can't please everyone...however I try daily to put myself aside and fill up others love banks. I wanted more time...well that has passed. I missed blogging. I can find a balance...Now that my kids sleep till 10...seriously put them in bed at 8 last night and they are still sleeping. I could go take a shower by myself( that would be a treat) but then I would wake the one up who is sleeping in my bed , and then I would have him and his 30 matchbox cars at my feet.

I have more to blog...stay tuned and not for 3 months. I am sure I lost some followers but those who love me and know me understand my need for a break!

Recovery

Thursday I was told that I would need another surgery. I would arrive Friday night and surgery would be first thing on Saturday,

The surgery was to take about 3 hours and 3 hours turned into 7 hours. They did a fusion. They needed to go into the front to place a plate ( like a c-section) and into the back to place the screws.

I was not as anxious this time around. I was sitting in my van before going in and praying. Praying hard. Praying for my anxiety ( as I have huge issues with dying and medications) and I felt calm almost like an expert. I mean having 5 surgeries you do just go with the flow. You get used to doctors, nurses being knocked out and coming to all the things hospital's bring...

I don't remember where I woke up or much of it. I normally do remember most stuff. I hate waking up and always cry.

This time I had about 3 nurses telling me that they had to to do chest compressions. I died. My heart stopped. I have no idea for how long or what really happened. Things are pretty vague. The only thing I could could think of was the fact God was with me. His plan for me is more then I know.

But lets talk about how this incident has fed fuel to my my anxiousness and left me feeling out of sorts. I have no idea if this common thing or if something went wrong during the procedure that caused this ( duh, I am sure it did) I just don't know. I am waiting for the report.

I feel good. I am sore. For all of you moms out there who have had or are going to have C-sections I feel for you. It hurts. you can't laugh or roll over, cough or sneeze without it being painful. I don't even have a baby to take care of.

Thank you for the prayers if you prayed for me. They where needed.

It reminds me that prayer is always needed.

Pain Pain go away...

Don't ever come back ANY DAY!

Olivia loves it when I walk her down the stairs at least 3 times a night. Her anxiety from being away from me is growing more and more apparent. I am hoping that it does not transfer over to kindergarten. I pray for her nightly that she will not have tummy aches or physical signs of anxiety.

I told her I could only walk or crawl to her one time and she needed to stay in bed. I explained to her that I will be needing another surgery and then I will get better.

She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said " you'll never be fixed".

That crushed me.

Her whole little life she has heard way to much on how mommy can't do this or that.

I fell very fortunate that I am home with them. Pain or no pain I wouldn't want them not here with me. No matter how bad my days get. No matter if they see me laying in bed for hours while the help is out in the kitchen or living room.

They have always given me a reason to get out of bed. Shower and put my best foot forward ( even if it is only my left foot ;) They are my sunshine on my worst days. They can fight all they want and sometimes it is just music to my ears. This will all be a distant memory.

Today I will find out the next step in the process of being "healed" or "fixed" what ever the heck you want to call it.

Seriously, it can go away.....

6 years is a long time to battle anything..

Lemon Pop

Seriously...this kid has an obsession with lemon Juice. He calls it his pop and drinks it straight from the bottle. Yuk!

Rollerskating

We celebrated both of my nieces birthday's this last weekend, I was not on skates ( but I DOOO love skating) but Jeremy being the trooper he is took the kids out on the floor. with help from their aunt & Uncles they had so much fun.

Miss America has already asked if we can do her party there next year.

Aww..Snow days

Finally..a bit of snow to make a snowman!! Olivia has learned to roll the balls...however we had 3 balls all over the yard and she wasn't sure how to get them on top of each other.

Dad to the rescue!!

Why all the Post's?

Well...

I am in pain. I can't do much of anything. I feel as though a Mack truck has driven right over my arse and someone is rotatiling their garden down my leg.

MRI last Friday has shown ONCE again that I can't catch a break. My disc has herniated.

Pain has taken over my life. Don't try to sneeze, wink, walk or cough it just might bring you to tears.

After 3 days of why me thoughts and questioning why God would do this to me AGAIN I finally gave up. If everything works out for his glory then I must TRUST that. Do you know how hard it is to trust when you can't walk? Your right leg, butt and feet are so numb, they have no idea that they must move when you do?

I just felt as though I had finally or was finally coming to terms that I would have chronic pain. I had my medications where we needed them. I started counseling to help me grieve the life I had given up and the life I was going to embrace.

I try not to focus on the bad parts of this, if I do Satan creeps into my mind taking me to deep places and them deep place create full blown panic attacks. Which I can say happily I have over come them ( so far)

Medications have no been revised which allow me to function but not at the pace I am used to. I crawl down the stairs and up the stairs to do laundry. It makes me happy to do the laundry but not so happy on how to get there.

I have much more time for my kids now. I am not wiping my counter 50 times a day and walking behind them picking up messes. Somethings have to go....

Jeremy said to me last night as I was crying about how much pain I was in , that he could see it and that this is his reality too. I never really thought about that. I know he misses the old me. I know Matthew misses the old me.

I don't grieve over that. I am still who I am. They get all I have to offer. I still make lunches, I still clean up after them and I still love to spend time with them. Some of things that suck are not being able to take off on a whim, go to the mountains, go swimming without help or do things without asking for help. I can see where they would grieve these things.

So , here I sit working on the posts about 5 minutes at a time...but it helps me. I have always said blogging to me in therapeutic. I miss it. When your in a funk and life seems to be out of your control lthe last thing you want to do is share anything. However, I am in a funky spot and life will always be out of control.

So I play the waiting game...what is the next step? More then likely another surgery. Making this number 5. I would have rather had 5 kids not 5 surgeries.

Pray for me but most of all pray for my family.

iheart Valentines Day

iheart ( yep, watching way to much icarly) We had a fun time at home. I think that's what happens when you have 3 kids and it is a Monday night. I even got Jeremy to decorate a heart shaped cupcake. I love these tins. You can do Jello or Brownies in them. Our local Target sells out of them by March.

I love to make goody bags for all the holidays...This is the best thing about being a mom.

Happy 3rd Birthday

Happy 3rd Birthday on the 3rd to my baby. My loving, sweet, funny, growing up to fast baby. We enjoy everyday with you.

Dislocated

What happens when 4 of your cousins take a hold of each limb, swing you has fast as they can to throw you on the bed...missing the bed and throwing you right into the doll house.

I was NOT fond of having to hold him while they put the dislocated elbow back to its rightful location.

Broken Hearts

As many of you know that Grandpa went to be with his Lord and Savior 3 days after he celebrated 71 years of marriage to his bride.

It has been hard to comprehend on some level. I can remember feeling his hands, soft and yet strong, the night he died. Kissing him on the cheek one last time. His last words to me personally was that I was a good kid and he loved me.

Tears would come and yet I know in my heart he is at peace. Peace that I want to feel here on earth. He was at peace here and I know he is at peace there.

I could go on and on on what a great man he was. How 5 of his children turned into incredible people. How his wife was his best friend, how he loved each and everyone of his grand kids and great grandchildren.

For me, I never had a grandpa. Mine had both passed away when I was a baby.

I don't know if he knew that every time I called him Grandpa it was an honor in my heart.

That is the only thing I WISH I would have said to him.

White trash way to clean dog poop

From your child's boots....

Hang your childrens boots up side down your white picket fence..keep them out there for about 2 weeks..and there you have it.

Why we LOVE the Credit Union

You can get a tattoo. Mom can place that Tattoo anywhere you would like. In some cases your five year old could sport a "tramp stamp" unfortunately she has way to many of them..Hope this gets it out of her system

Nothing Is More Important

One thing I am learning is family loves you no matter what.

No matter where you have been , no matter what you have done they will accept you , love you and never judge you.

A few weeks before the holidays we got news that Grandpa would not be with us much longer here on earth.

Heartbreaking.

He needs 24 hour care and Jeremy and Matthew have both spent nights over there taking the night shift. Grandpa still can remember everyone and besides being tired and weak he still has encouraging words and prayers for everyone. He knows he is going to be with Jesus soon and reminds us every time how important it is to have a relationship with Jesus.

Watching him say goodbye to us every time we leave there always makes me cry. watching him with my kids, my husband, his kids, and his wife warms my heart every visit.

They will be married 71 years tomorrow. My heart is full of admiration for them and for the entire family.

We adore them.

What a blessing.

Every visit is never taken for granted.

Nothing, Nothing is more important then your relationship with family.