Shiny Noses...

Some day's...you can't help but adore them....other days you want them to fly away with other Reindeer...

Big Hair

Is it all bad I like big hair?? I have since 1992....I also like you could see my collar bone...ha!

Ready For A Change

* this is a disclaimer to my best friend*
I would really like a new blog page for Christmas

Anyways.....The first of the year is fast approaching!! I want to purge and organize this entire house...Big dreams..huge hopes..

September normally brings the "change" to the house...this September I had all three kids in school and I had no idea how busy I would be. I really didn't understand "living in your car" until this year...Pick up this one, bring this one here, and try not to let them beat the holy crap out of each other as we are confined to the mini ( we have three rows of seats but they all want to sit in the front row, go figure) going here and there.

I am not at home as much as I thought I would be. I do get Friday's off from parenting...I have a standing appt. every Friday, they go their Grandma's and after I run a few errands I come home and rest for a few hours. It is always something to look forward to. I wish I had more energy and felt better to tackle the Craft ( CRAP) closet...this year I will buy the totes..they may sit there.. However, I need to clean it out.

I was in the shower the other day and heard Liv screaming ( nothing new) I got out of the shower with shampoo still in my hair only to find her on the ground with Chutes & Ladders, CandyLand, Jumping Monkeys, a spilled color box, and every other crap project was all over her and the boxes hit her square in the face...that is going to leave a mark.

Among other things..I don't have a list for the New Year..I will just go along for the ride ...what ever God brings to me...the gift and ability to not procrastinate, organization skills, and abundant amount of patience if it never happens....I will go along with his plan, to just be who I am crap closet and all....

This Is How We Roll....

The best babysitter in the entire world...buy a cheap Golf cart ( one that breaks down every few blocks) and put your 15 year old in charge and see how long they are gone for....add the dog for a laugh.

Then you can laugh when family members spot your kids blocks away and take pictures for you...or when your neighbors give you kudos on facebook for having the best babysitter!

Lost in the trenches...

Lost..my thoughts always swirl in my head. I have mentioned that before. I want to blog. I want to write. I want to publish a book someday. My crazy life. However I have been lost and confused on what I should write or even what I should blog. I realized last night laying in bed that even if I don't share my story I can share my kids and there NOT so funny to me, but to everyone else they are.

My last surgery was not as successful as I had hoped. I went for a CT scan last week and of course my Doctor is out of the country. Go figure. Like he needs a break. Just joking he is a kick a** doctor who cares alot about his patients including me. I have been going to him for over 6 years.

Feels like I have someone stepping on my tail bone every minute of everyday. I continue my job as a mom and a wife but there are days I just want to do nothing. Crawl in bed and eat Oreo Balls...no joke. My counselor wouldn't think that was the best idea but I can disagree with someone who has BA degree in physc, right?!?

Yes, I have been seeing a counselor for over a year. It helps alot. If I go more then two weeks without seeing him my life seems to be out of control. I know I have a God but sometimes I get angry with him ( not a good thing) for this...this life...the one that started at birth.

I was telling my counselor how jealous I was of certain people ( for many reasons) like they have a job, they are committed room moms, they don't need drugs....and he asked me if I was to give them 5 back surgeries would they be the same person??

The answer was NO...their whole life would be changed.

I worry. I worry more then the average joe. I hate it. I hate going through each day learning to change my thought process. I hate knowing that it is all mental.

Sooooo....Mix mental with physical and you get someone lost in the trenches.

Another reason I quit blogging is the spelling Nazi's I have out there. I should have paid more attention in high school. I get that. Or in elementary school or in middle school...whatever. I am who I am.

If you critique my blog then don't read it. My insecurity is no more. I am who I am. I would have paid more attention..but when your home life sucks and you feel the way I did, you are not in the state of mind to pay attention.

So once again..I say I am back..my therapy for me is this..

The Story of My Life.....

Easter 2011

I know it way past Easter ( just be happy your getting a blog post to read) but I really want my blog turned into a book ( all the misspellings and everything) for my kids...


I love how their little minds absorb everything about God....

Carter is all boy! Seriously..don't lick the eggs!

And this is why we don't let him babysit

We might just come home to this.............

Or this...........


But at least their smiling and they are safe if they are all duct taped up.


Matthew never seems to surprise me. Whatever he can do to torture them he WILL.

April May & June

Seriously the days are running into each other..the months have gotten away. My break from blogging turned into a 3 month break.

Maybe it was needed.

Maybe I thought my phone would ring more , maybe I thought I would have more personal interaction. WRONG

I do know I wanted to live life for awhile taking a break from Facebook ( I only check it in the mornings) and blogging.

My kids are busy, whiny, needy and cute.

My recovery is alright. Still so much pain. Still alot of doctor appointment's and Physical therapy
I spend alot of time looking at the calender making sure I don't miss an appointment ( i have done that..imagine that) Arranging childcare...I have like 3 a week.

Matthew is a huge help however the hormones are invading his body full force still making him Alien boy. I mean who is this kid? This kid who can cry at anything but be so tough and independent all at the same time? Hand me a newborn please!

Olivia has to have over all the nieghbor hood kids. We have about 5 over everyday. It is fine till her bossy voice comes out and everyone must be sent home for re-grouping only to come back a few hours a later. She is so excited to go the mall and get her ears pierced. This will be before school starts and for her birthday. She keeps begging me to call her Grammy to take her.

Carter is just funny. He does crazy stuff! He has been riding with no training wheels for awhile and now is learning how to skid out and do jumps. he keeps up all day with the older kids. Saying things that are beyond his age and then not understanding why he is in trouble. He spits because he thinks its cool. Not so cool when it is directly meant for your sister, brother or mom.

In my 3 month blogging hiatus I have learned you can't please everyone...however I try daily to put myself aside and fill up others love banks. I wanted more time...well that has passed. I missed blogging. I can find a balance...Now that my kids sleep till 10...seriously put them in bed at 8 last night and they are still sleeping. I could go take a shower by myself( that would be a treat) but then I would wake the one up who is sleeping in my bed , and then I would have him and his 30 matchbox cars at my feet.

I have more to blog...stay tuned and not for 3 months. I am sure I lost some followers but those who love me and know me understand my need for a break!

Recovery

Thursday I was told that I would need another surgery. I would arrive Friday night and surgery would be first thing on Saturday,

The surgery was to take about 3 hours and 3 hours turned into 7 hours. They did a fusion. They needed to go into the front to place a plate ( like a c-section) and into the back to place the screws.

I was not as anxious this time around. I was sitting in my van before going in and praying. Praying hard. Praying for my anxiety ( as I have huge issues with dying and medications) and I felt calm almost like an expert. I mean having 5 surgeries you do just go with the flow. You get used to doctors, nurses being knocked out and coming to all the things hospital's bring...

I don't remember where I woke up or much of it. I normally do remember most stuff. I hate waking up and always cry.

This time I had about 3 nurses telling me that they had to to do chest compressions. I died. My heart stopped. I have no idea for how long or what really happened. Things are pretty vague. The only thing I could could think of was the fact God was with me. His plan for me is more then I know.

But lets talk about how this incident has fed fuel to my my anxiousness and left me feeling out of sorts. I have no idea if this common thing or if something went wrong during the procedure that caused this ( duh, I am sure it did) I just don't know. I am waiting for the report.

I feel good. I am sore. For all of you moms out there who have had or are going to have C-sections I feel for you. It hurts. you can't laugh or roll over, cough or sneeze without it being painful. I don't even have a baby to take care of.

Thank you for the prayers if you prayed for me. They where needed.

It reminds me that prayer is always needed.

Pain Pain go away...

Don't ever come back ANY DAY!

Olivia loves it when I walk her down the stairs at least 3 times a night. Her anxiety from being away from me is growing more and more apparent. I am hoping that it does not transfer over to kindergarten. I pray for her nightly that she will not have tummy aches or physical signs of anxiety.

I told her I could only walk or crawl to her one time and she needed to stay in bed. I explained to her that I will be needing another surgery and then I will get better.

She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said " you'll never be fixed".

That crushed me.

Her whole little life she has heard way to much on how mommy can't do this or that.

I fell very fortunate that I am home with them. Pain or no pain I wouldn't want them not here with me. No matter how bad my days get. No matter if they see me laying in bed for hours while the help is out in the kitchen or living room.

They have always given me a reason to get out of bed. Shower and put my best foot forward ( even if it is only my left foot ;) They are my sunshine on my worst days. They can fight all they want and sometimes it is just music to my ears. This will all be a distant memory.

Today I will find out the next step in the process of being "healed" or "fixed" what ever the heck you want to call it.

Seriously, it can go away.....

6 years is a long time to battle anything..