Tuesday, March 12, 2013

God's Plan

I am not one to always question God's plan. I know that he has plans far from what we can see. I believe things happen for a reason. Sometimes reason we can't see now or maybe never in our life time.

I believe he places people in our life for a reason. He places these people just at the right time. If you look and search you will find that.

Uncle Brad's Death maybe something I can never fully understand. I don't cry out to God on why Brad had to leave us. In my heart I know it had to be for a reason. I do get angry. We all know that is just hurt. Hearts break and the life we know is put on pause. Each day you muddle through the day. You have a memories....

There is a new show called the Bible. We where laying in bed watching it and I looked over to Jeremy and said " I know your brother would have loved this show!"

 He would have been researching it for us and coming back with all these questions and answers. He would have spent hours upon hours researching it all. Things like that make me smile but at the same time make me sad. Sad that I never really saw the depth of his soul in full.

I look at my children...I never want them to stop wondering, pondering and dreaming big.

I had a twenty dollar bill in my wallet ( rare for me to have cash) and I went to pay for my coffee...as I drove away from the drive-through tears filled my eyes. During the process of planning Brad's celebration of life Papa ( his dad) had said if " He ( Brad) had 20.00 bucks he was a millionaire and if he had a place to lay his head he had a home"

Sometimes it will hit you when your not searching, when your not thinking and it hurts. I hurt for his parents and his brothers.

My Step-mom has a football size tumor with other tumors growing on it in her stomach. She has been part of my life since I was 13. She has a been such a huge blessing to our family and even if her and my dad are not together, she is grandma to my children and a wonderful friend to me. She goes out of her way to make sure we are okay. On my bad days she is here doing laundry, helping mop, clean the bathrooms and watch the kids.
The tumors have not spread to her other organs. That is good news...but until they remove the Football size ( imagine that) tumor we will not know if it is Cancer or not.

I could not imagine her not with us....and that makes me sad. I can only pray that they remove it all and it is not Cancer.

I try not to worry. Impossible.

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