And The Saga Continues

Yesterday I had my MRI. I was looking forward to figuring out why the pain is much worse then before I went in. I was really expecting for them to call me and tell that I would need another surgery. In my head I had it all looking very optimistic.

Surgery. Recovery. Healing.

Enjoy Summer. Play with my kids. No more pain management.

No more more pills. Good exercise plan that included lots of walking and Core strengthening Yes, I would fantasize about such things. I would find myself daydreaming about how it was going to be. I could paint my front door. Finish decorating the house. After all we have lived here 5 years and my room is definitely not screaming " Tiffiny's sanctuary"

So imagine my surprise when they called me to tell me everything looked good, no surgery needed.

Then the bad news spilled out.

You have so much scar tissue around your nerve that is causing this pain. You will continue to have it and it will not go away. It does look bad and we can definitely see why your in pain.

The doctor would like you get a Spinal Cord stimulator. It is a device inserted in your back that will block the nerve pain ( along with set off Airport and retail store security ) and improve your quality of life.

Yes, I was excited to learn there was an option for me so I would not be in pain.
I was excited that another surgery wasn't needed.

But yet I cried. I felt discouraged.

It can take up to a year to get this device inserted.

I have FBSS...I call it FaceBook Stalking Syndrome but really it stands for Failed Back Surgery Syndrome.

The saga continues. There seems to be no quick answer. I would like for there to be. I know my husband, kids and family would like for this to be all over.

It won't be over for awhile. I had to come to terms with that last night. I had to really rely on my faith. I questioned the big man up stairs many times. I have cried out asking him "why me??' The only thing that kept coming back to me is "why NOT me?" I would not wish this upon anyone. So he has chosen this trial, this test for me to endure. I have to make the best of it.

I have to. I have 4 people counting on me.