the story of our life.

Cancel The Award

2012-01-09T16:21:00.000-08:00

Yep....I felt like I should cancel my award..pass it on

I cleaned up Christmas....

Now on the bedrooms...

then maybe the Crap Closet

House looks empty...clean..

Feels GREAT!

I get the award

2012-01-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

I get the award for still having my tree up! I am thinking of decorating it for Valentines day...then Easter ...St. Patrick's Day...you get the idea....

So much work. I really want to see my kitchen table sometime soon. It has been covered with decorations for over 2 weeks. There are 2 UN-opened presents under the tree , I need to deliver.

I am hurting. Took a good fall ( my leg just gives out) and now I can barely walk without wincing. I am just not feeling the Christmas clean up. I am not feeling like cleaning and purging. Maybe this week will be the week!?!

We went to dinner this past weekend as an entire family. I have to say it has never been just the five of us. It went good. Carter still wants to climb the booth and under the table. We went to a very kid friendly restaurant. The have a train that circles the restaurant. SO every 5 minutes he had something to capture his attention. We had fun ( then we got the bill) Wholly Molly guacamole!! Taking your whole family out to eat can put a dent in your budget. Next time we are thinking of taking them bowling. I bet it is cheaper!

On the lighter side..the lights outside have been taken down...I pulled the tree away from the window...so it looks like we have no tree...HA! I am sure my neighbors are wondering when I will get out of the Christmas Tree spirit.

Carter asked me is "Holy Cow" is a bad word..I told him no.....

He then looked at me and asked.....

Well, Is "Holy Sh*t" A bad word?

urghhhh...Carter john I love you....

Re-Cap 2011

2012-01-03T16:26:00.000-08:00

2012 Wow! Here is to a New Year and to maybe a new me??

2011 Recap

* Matthew is taller then me...his pants are high waters even though we just bought them at the beginning of the school year. He played football for the High School...Yes, my baby is in High School!
He went to his first formal dance, Halloween party, New Years Eve party and many more firsts for him. He passed driver's Ed and all of his classes 3 B's and One A! He volunteers each week at Church and every other month he does Digital media at Church. The have even contacted him about running soundboard. I am so proud of him.

*Olivia stared kindergarten...not much has changed with the school schedule..other then they are not fighting as much. Still screaming. No seriously, she is growing up way to fast! She has been taking art classes and is doing AMAZING!
She is very social. She loves having friends over everyday. She wakes up asking who will be home and who is coming over. She is learning to read and is catching on very quickly. Her new thing is to a big girl and shower by herself ( there goes the water bill and no hot water) and pick out outfits, along with brushing her own hair.
She is loves to doddle on everything , keeping it to paper...that's a good thing.

* Carter John....always happy. Not to sure of preschool. I have been talked to about him listening and paying attention. I am sure he will be kicked out soon. He will be turning 4 soon! He is a cuddle bug and crawls into my bed with his head on mine. He calls Jeremy "Dada" I think it is cute. He asks everyday if Dada went to work and when I say yes he gets so upset but he continues to ask hoping I say no.
He has mastered the Wii and is now on to the XBOX...he is just like Matthew in so many ways. He has wanted to move out about 10 times this year. His way of manipulation on getting his way.

* Jeremy is still employed! Whoop-Whoop! Small things that can make a family feel at peace.
He is still doing his Watch & Clock repair on the side.
He has carpel tunnel and had surgery a few months back on hand one...and the 2nd surgery will be Feb. 1st. He is such a blessing to me.

* And then there is ME! I am looking forward to a New Year...My only goal would be that I learn to accept...Accept me for who I am and not who I think I should be.

**** Happy New Year****

Ruff-Ruff

2011-12-24T09:51:00.000-08:00

I am a huge lover of Halloween costumes! Most people collect tea cups, spoons, arts & crafts, and other stuff you can display...but me it is ugly holiday sweaters and costumes!! This year Carter was our puppy. During the small amount of time we went trick or treating he would walk like a dog to each house...at one point going into a house and sitting there like a dog. House after house I had to coax him out of the house....one real dog even took to him as a play mate.

He didn't understand that you could only take one candy. He would reach into the bowl pulling out as many pieces he could with his chubby fingers...Nobody cared because he was cute...one house yelled for us as we where leaving so the rest of their family could see him.

Miss America went with her friend so I missed my picture moment....she wanted to be a witch but I don't like scary things so I bought a silver glitter wig and had her be a fun "Rockstar Witch"

And Matthew...he went to his first party.....

You can never get moments like this back...

2011-12-24T09:36:00.000-08:00

My "little boy"....as long as I am living my baby you'll be..............

It would be fair to say they did not want their picture taken...But I wouldn't allow that...moments like your first formal dance and your dad helping you with your tie need to be captured.

It melts my heart...another thing that comes to mind is I am grateful God gave our marriage the help it needed to be together for events just like this one.....

I am proud of us....I am proud of my handsome son.

Shiny Noses...

2011-12-22T10:41:00.000-08:00

Some day's...you can't help but adore them....other days you want them to fly away with other Reindeer...

Big Hair

2011-12-22T10:38:00.000-08:00

Is it all bad I like big hair?? I have since 1992....I also like you could see my collar bone...ha!

Ready For A Change

2011-12-22T10:22:00.000-08:00

* this is a disclaimer to my best friend*
I would really like a new blog page for Christmas

Anyways.....The first of the year is fast approaching!! I want to purge and organize this entire house...Big dreams..huge hopes..

September normally brings the "change" to the house...this September I had all three kids in school and I had no idea how busy I would be. I really didn't understand "living in your car" until this year...Pick up this one, bring this one here, and try not to let them beat the holy crap out of each other as we are confined to the mini ( we have three rows of seats but they all want to sit in the front row, go figure) going here and there.

I am not at home as much as I thought I would be. I do get Friday's off from parenting...I have a standing appt. every Friday, they go their Grandma's and after I run a few errands I come home and rest for a few hours. It is always something to look forward to. I wish I had more energy and felt better to tackle the Craft ( CRAP) closet...this year I will buy the totes..they may sit there.. However, I need to clean it out.

I was in the shower the other day and heard Liv screaming ( nothing new) I got out of the shower with shampoo still in my hair only to find her on the ground with Chutes & Ladders, CandyLand, Jumping Monkeys, a spilled color box, and every other crap project was all over her and the boxes hit her square in the face...that is going to leave a mark.

Among other things..I don't have a list for the New Year..I will just go along for the ride ...what ever God brings to me...the gift and ability to not procrastinate, organization skills, and abundant amount of patience if it never happens....I will go along with his plan, to just be who I am crap closet and all....

This Is How We Roll....

2011-12-19T10:18:00.000-08:00

The best babysitter in the entire world...buy a cheap Golf cart ( one that breaks down every few blocks) and put your 15 year old in charge and see how long they are gone for....add the dog for a laugh.

Then you can laugh when family members spot your kids blocks away and take pictures for you...or when your neighbors give you kudos on facebook for having the best babysitter!

Lost in the trenches...

2011-12-19T09:56:00.000-08:00

Lost..my thoughts always swirl in my head. I have mentioned that before. I want to blog. I want to write. I want to publish a book someday. My crazy life. However I have been lost and confused on what I should write or even what I should blog. I realized last night laying in bed that even if I don't share my story I can share my kids and there NOT so funny to me, but to everyone else they are.

My last surgery was not as successful as I had hoped. I went for a CT scan last week and of course my Doctor is out of the country. Go figure. Like he needs a break. Just joking he is a kick a** doctor who cares alot about his patients including me. I have been going to him for over 6 years.

Feels like I have someone stepping on my tail bone every minute of everyday. I continue my job as a mom and a wife but there are days I just want to do nothing. Crawl in bed and eat Oreo Balls...no joke. My counselor wouldn't think that was the best idea but I can disagree with someone who has BA degree in physc, right?!?

Yes, I have been seeing a counselor for over a year. It helps alot. If I go more then two weeks without seeing him my life seems to be out of control. I know I have a God but sometimes I get angry with him ( not a good thing) for this...this life...the one that started at birth.

I was telling my counselor how jealous I was of certain people ( for many reasons) like they have a job, they are committed room moms, they don't need drugs....and he asked me if I was to give them 5 back surgeries would they be the same person??

The answer was NO...their whole life would be changed.

I worry. I worry more then the average joe. I hate it. I hate going through each day learning to change my thought process. I hate knowing that it is all mental.

Sooooo....Mix mental with physical and you get someone lost in the trenches.

Another reason I quit blogging is the spelling Nazi's I have out there. I should have paid more attention in high school. I get that. Or in elementary school or in middle school...whatever. I am who I am.

If you critique my blog then don't read it. My insecurity is no more. I am who I am. I would have paid more attention..but when your home life sucks and you feel the way I did, you are not in the state of mind to pay attention.

So once again..I say I am back..my therapy for me is this..

The Story of My Life.....

Easter 2011

2011-07-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

I know it way past Easter ( just be happy your getting a blog post to read) but I really want my blog turned into a book ( all the misspellings and everything) for my kids...

I love how their little minds absorb everything about God....

Carter is all boy! Seriously..don't lick the eggs!

And this is why we don't let him babysit

2011-07-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

We might just come home to this.............

Or this...........

But at least their smiling and they are safe if they are all duct taped up.

Matthew never seems to surprise me. Whatever he can do to torture them he WILL.

April May & June

2011-07-12T09:11:00.000-07:00

Seriously the days are running into each other..the months have gotten away. My break from blogging turned into a 3 month break.

Maybe it was needed.

Maybe I thought my phone would ring more , maybe I thought I would have more personal interaction. WRONG

I do know I wanted to live life for awhile taking a break from Facebook ( I only check it in the mornings) and blogging.

My kids are busy, whiny, needy and cute.

My recovery is alright. Still so much pain. Still alot of doctor appointment's and Physical therapy
I spend alot of time looking at the calender making sure I don't miss an appointment ( i have done that..imagine that) Arranging childcare...I have like 3 a week.

Matthew is a huge help however the hormones are invading his body full force still making him Alien boy. I mean who is this kid? This kid who can cry at anything but be so tough and independent all at the same time? Hand me a newborn please!

Olivia has to have over all the nieghbor hood kids. We have about 5 over everyday. It is fine till her bossy voice comes out and everyone must be sent home for re-grouping only to come back a few hours a later. She is so excited to go the mall and get her ears pierced. This will be before school starts and for her birthday. She keeps begging me to call her Grammy to take her.

Carter is just funny. He does crazy stuff! He has been riding with no training wheels for awhile and now is learning how to skid out and do jumps. he keeps up all day with the older kids. Saying things that are beyond his age and then not understanding why he is in trouble. He spits because he thinks its cool. Not so cool when it is directly meant for your sister, brother or mom.

In my 3 month blogging hiatus I have learned you can't please everyone...however I try daily to put myself aside and fill up others love banks. I wanted more time...well that has passed. I missed blogging. I can find a balance...Now that my kids sleep till 10...seriously put them in bed at 8 last night and they are still sleeping. I could go take a shower by myself( that would be a treat) but then I would wake the one up who is sleeping in my bed , and then I would have him and his 30 matchbox cars at my feet.

I have more to blog...stay tuned and not for 3 months. I am sure I lost some followers but those who love me and know me understand my need for a break!

Recovery

2011-03-12T12:20:00.000-08:00

Thursday I was told that I would need another surgery. I would arrive Friday night and surgery would be first thing on Saturday,

The surgery was to take about 3 hours and 3 hours turned into 7 hours. They did a fusion. They needed to go into the front to place a plate ( like a c-section) and into the back to place the screws.

I was not as anxious this time around. I was sitting in my van before going in and praying. Praying hard. Praying for my anxiety ( as I have huge issues with dying and medications) and I felt calm almost like an expert. I mean having 5 surgeries you do just go with the flow. You get used to doctors, nurses being knocked out and coming to all the things hospital's bring...

I don't remember where I woke up or much of it. I normally do remember most stuff. I hate waking up and always cry.

This time I had about 3 nurses telling me that they had to to do chest compressions. I died. My heart stopped. I have no idea for how long or what really happened. Things are pretty vague. The only thing I could could think of was the fact God was with me. His plan for me is more then I know.

But lets talk about how this incident has fed fuel to my my anxiousness and left me feeling out of sorts. I have no idea if this common thing or if something went wrong during the procedure that caused this ( duh, I am sure it did) I just don't know. I am waiting for the report.

I feel good. I am sore. For all of you moms out there who have had or are going to have C-sections I feel for you. It hurts. you can't laugh or roll over, cough or sneeze without it being painful. I don't even have a baby to take care of.

Thank you for the prayers if you prayed for me. They where needed.

It reminds me that prayer is always needed.

Pain Pain go away...

2011-03-03T08:36:00.000-08:00

Don't ever come back ANY DAY!

Olivia loves it when I walk her down the stairs at least 3 times a night. Her anxiety from being away from me is growing more and more apparent. I am hoping that it does not transfer over to kindergarten. I pray for her nightly that she will not have tummy aches or physical signs of anxiety.

I told her I could only walk or crawl to her one time and she needed to stay in bed. I explained to her that I will be needing another surgery and then I will get better.

She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said " you'll never be fixed".

That crushed me.

Her whole little life she has heard way to much on how mommy can't do this or that.

I fell very fortunate that I am home with them. Pain or no pain I wouldn't want them not here with me. No matter how bad my days get. No matter if they see me laying in bed for hours while the help is out in the kitchen or living room.

They have always given me a reason to get out of bed. Shower and put my best foot forward ( even if it is only my left foot ;) They are my sunshine on my worst days. They can fight all they want and sometimes it is just music to my ears. This will all be a distant memory.

Today I will find out the next step in the process of being "healed" or "fixed" what ever the heck you want to call it.

Seriously, it can go away.....

6 years is a long time to battle anything..

Lemon Pop

2011-03-02T09:50:00.000-08:00

Seriously...this kid has an obsession with lemon Juice. He calls it his pop and drinks it straight from the bottle. Yuk!

Rollerskating

2011-03-02T09:18:00.000-08:00

We celebrated both of my nieces birthday's this last weekend, I was not on skates ( but I DOOO love skating) but Jeremy being the trooper he is took the kids out on the floor. with help from their aunt & Uncles they had so much fun.

Miss America has already asked if we can do her party there next year.

Aww..Snow days

2011-03-02T09:13:00.001-08:00

Finally..a bit of snow to make a snowman!! Olivia has learned to roll the balls...however we had 3 balls all over the yard and she wasn't sure how to get them on top of each other.

Dad to the rescue!!

Why all the Post's?

2011-03-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

Well...

I am in pain. I can't do much of anything. I feel as though a Mack truck has driven right over my arse and someone is rotatiling their garden down my leg.

MRI last Friday has shown ONCE again that I can't catch a break. My disc has herniated.

Pain has taken over my life. Don't try to sneeze, wink, walk or cough it just might bring you to tears.

After 3 days of why me thoughts and questioning why God would do this to me AGAIN I finally gave up. If everything works out for his glory then I must TRUST that. Do you know how hard it is to trust when you can't walk? Your right leg, butt and feet are so numb, they have no idea that they must move when you do?

I just felt as though I had finally or was finally coming to terms that I would have chronic pain. I had my medications where we needed them. I started counseling to help me grieve the life I had given up and the life I was going to embrace.

I try not to focus on the bad parts of this, if I do Satan creeps into my mind taking me to deep places and them deep place create full blown panic attacks. Which I can say happily I have over come them ( so far)

Medications have no been revised which allow me to function but not at the pace I am used to. I crawl down the stairs and up the stairs to do laundry. It makes me happy to do the laundry but not so happy on how to get there.

I have much more time for my kids now. I am not wiping my counter 50 times a day and walking behind them picking up messes. Somethings have to go....

Jeremy said to me last night as I was crying about how much pain I was in , that he could see it and that this is his reality too. I never really thought about that. I know he misses the old me. I know Matthew misses the old me.

I don't grieve over that. I am still who I am. They get all I have to offer. I still make lunches, I still clean up after them and I still love to spend time with them. Some of things that suck are not being able to take off on a whim, go to the mountains, go swimming without help or do things without asking for help. I can see where they would grieve these things.

So , here I sit working on the posts about 5 minutes at a time...but it helps me. I have always said blogging to me in therapeutic. I miss it. When your in a funk and life seems to be out of your control lthe last thing you want to do is share anything. However, I am in a funky spot and life will always be out of control.

So I play the waiting game...what is the next step? More then likely another surgery. Making this number 5. I would have rather had 5 kids not 5 surgeries.

Pray for me but most of all pray for my family.

iheart Valentines Day

2011-03-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

iheart ( yep, watching way to much icarly) We had a fun time at home. I think that's what happens when you have 3 kids and it is a Monday night. I even got Jeremy to decorate a heart shaped cupcake. I love these tins. You can do Jello or Brownies in them. Our local Target sells out of them by March.

I love to make goody bags for all the holidays...This is the best thing about being a mom.

Happy 3rd Birthday

2011-03-01T19:50:00.000-08:00

Happy 3rd Birthday on the 3rd to my baby. My loving, sweet, funny, growing up to fast baby. We enjoy everyday with you.

Dislocated

2011-03-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

What happens when 4 of your cousins take a hold of each limb, swing you has fast as they can to throw you on the bed...missing the bed and throwing you right into the doll house.

I was NOT fond of having to hold him while they put the dislocated elbow back to its rightful location.

Broken Hearts

2011-03-01T19:34:00.000-08:00

As many of you know that Grandpa went to be with his Lord and Savior 3 days after he celebrated 71 years of marriage to his bride.

It has been hard to comprehend on some level. I can remember feeling his hands, soft and yet strong, the night he died. Kissing him on the cheek one last time. His last words to me personally was that I was a good kid and he loved me.

Tears would come and yet I know in my heart he is at peace. Peace that I want to feel here on earth. He was at peace here and I know he is at peace there.

I could go on and on on what a great man he was. How 5 of his children turned into incredible people. How his wife was his best friend, how he loved each and everyone of his grand kids and great grandchildren.

For me, I never had a grandpa. Mine had both passed away when I was a baby.

I don't know if he knew that every time I called him Grandpa it was an honor in my heart.

That is the only thing I WISH I would have said to him.

White trash way to clean dog poop

2011-03-01T19:31:00.001-08:00

From your child's boots....

Hang your childrens boots up side down your white picket fence..keep them out there for about 2 weeks..and there you have it.

Why we LOVE the Credit Union

2011-03-01T19:21:00.000-08:00

You can get a tattoo. Mom can place that Tattoo anywhere you would like. In some cases your five year old could sport a "tramp stamp" unfortunately she has way to many of them..Hope this gets it out of her system

Nothing Is More Important

2011-01-23T10:52:00.000-08:00

One thing I am learning is family loves you no matter what.

No matter where you have been , no matter what you have done they will accept you , love you and never judge you.

A few weeks before the holidays we got news that Grandpa would not be with us much longer here on earth.

Heartbreaking.

He needs 24 hour care and Jeremy and Matthew have both spent nights over there taking the night shift. Grandpa still can remember everyone and besides being tired and weak he still has encouraging words and prayers for everyone. He knows he is going to be with Jesus soon and reminds us every time how important it is to have a relationship with Jesus.

Watching him say goodbye to us every time we leave there always makes me cry. watching him with my kids, my husband, his kids, and his wife warms my heart every visit.

They will be married 71 years tomorrow. My heart is full of admiration for them and for the entire family.

We adore them.

What a blessing.

Every visit is never taken for granted.

Nothing, Nothing is more important then your relationship with family.

Christmas...

2011-01-23T10:43:00.001-08:00

I have been video taping alot more then taking pictures. This is just about all the pictures I have for Christmas 2010. Maybe I should find a balance??

I could have posted pictures of me ~~looking like crap at 8 am ~~but I am not~~~~

Princess Hair

2011-01-23T10:24:00.001-08:00

For 2 months she has be begging to get her haircut. She no longer wants her "princess hair"

Princess hair is a what her dad has been calling her hair since she was little. She would spray half the bottle of detangler on her hair ~~and all over herself , bathroom mirror, and her brother~~ Her dad was no fond of the idea of cutting her hair but she convinced him that she would be donating it to Cancer patients that really needed hair and they don't want to spend their life bald. Of course he said yes but not without HUGE reservations.

She has never been to a salon , so it was all new to her. She sat quietly and then admired herself when it was all done. Came home and had her hair in pony tails and clips. admiring her Princess self. She loved it.

Until this morning....she wants her back.

really really really wants her hair back....

I feel sorry for her husband...she has that" just go for it attitude "( like her mom) then will regret it in the morning.

I love her..

Sorry about the pictures..at least you got some ;)

Days Of The Week

2011-01-21T12:00:00.000-08:00

Just run into each other.

I was on a good blog roll.

However life gets in the way. Or my children get in the way of my blogging. Always needing something. That is fine with me. I am their mom and I have really have no problem taking care of them. Unless the yell, demand and scream at me to fulfill their need. Then I of course return back to the computer avoiding them.

Like I am doing now. We are at my friends house and I am ignoring them. Letting her deal with them. I am thinking of crawling into her bed and taking a nap. I am tired today. Maybe it is all the rain we are getting but it seemed impossible for me to get out of bed this morning.

Guess what I did?? I left the bed unmade, dishes in the sink, crumbs on the counter and toys thrown across the house. Yep, I didn't realize you could actually do that. What a freeing feeling. The house will survive.

I will survive. Unless of course I don't get a nap.

Carter will be turning 3 in a few weeks. My baby. My uterus is wondering why it is not doing its job. Okay, that would just be me and my thoughts about wanting another baby. Seriously, 3 years old? Preschool next year, one in Kindergarten? One in Highschool?

My Oh MY!!

I have reading arm. It is kinda of a funny thing. Well, I am hoping it is nothing serious but My elbow and arm hurt. I think it is the way I hold the kindle. I truly believe that Kindle is the best invention ever. I have finished 3 books in 3 weeks. I am starting to feel like I have some me time. Okay, so they are jumping all around me trying to click the next page button but I power through each chapter hoping I retain at least some of the book.

My arm does hurt. I don't really think it is from reading but I am praying it gets better.

Finished painting the hallway and downstairs. I didn't do it but it is done. It makes me feel so good. Jeremy accomplished quite a few " Honey do List" projects. It has been a productive week. Blinds are cleaned, cupboards have been Murphy oiled and laundry is all caught up.

Yesterday I had to go to Costco for the milk run. Crazy lady with 8 gallons of milk coming through. I can hardly maneuver the darn cart. Darn you Costco. You damage my checkbook every month.
Darn you chocolate covered raisins....I mean seriously..my one weakness and you can buy them in bulk!!

Well, I better go and help with the kids.

Not that I want to.

Life Is Good

2011-01-18T09:42:00.000-08:00

Life is good for the moment. Okay, Life is always good. Yes, I have had my fair share of trials lately.

However my Life is GOOD.

Last night I went for a massage. My back, and my upper body have been hurting so bad. The stress of the attacks center right in my shoulders, neck and arms. It was a good massage but I am still very tense. So I booked another one. I am grateful my husband understands this is part of the therapy to keep me going. I wish it was a relaxation massage but it is more of a keep me going massage.

The kids are running around and they actually have clothes on. Now that is a surprise to all who enter.

House is a wreck. That's okay. I enjoy blogging ore then cleaning up the toys, banana peels, plates, cups, 3 loads of laundry and taking out the garbage.

It will get done..

Just after I finish the whole pot of coffee...

Pictures?!?

2011-01-17T09:59:00.000-08:00

Oh, I have so many pictures to share with you, but this dinosaur of a computer is having a hard time. I think it will soon be extinct.

Then maybe I can convince my husband I need a new laptop.

No school today. Not sure if I should be happy about it or sad. I am happy not to go anywhere but a sad they will continue the day fighting. I will ~~go crazy, locking myself into my room, eating every piece of left over Halloween candy I can find~~ then have to parent all day.

Unless I take off going to Target to find deals I just can't live without ~~giving the checkbook a run for its money~~ but of course I have already done that.

A very special person sent me an email last night. I wish I would have read it last night. I had already done my make-up this morning when I read it and I could not stop crying, okay, sobbing like a baby.

I can't email her back quite yet because I am sure I will cry, and it is very hard to type when you have been crying. Her email was full of faith for me and my family. Her words where reaffirming that I am loved, valued and cherished.

I ask of you to tell your loved ones the beauty you see inside them. To give them uplifting words. Not because they are at an all time low or because they are at an all time high.

Just because.

Because you care. Because you value them.

It might just mean more to them you even know.

When I was going through my stuff I quit blogging, I quit facebooking. I was so messed up I just couldn't log into the computer.

I would occasionally and I was surprised at the few emails I got from people asking how I am doing. How God had put me on their heart. People that I would not normally call and go to coffee with but people I care about. It made me feel good.

Who are you going to bless today by your words?

Spiritual Sunday

2011-01-16T11:53:00.001-08:00

Spirituality is not defined by bumper stickers, fish logos on your mini van, how many outlines you have in your Bible, if you wear a cross necklace or if you go to church regularly.

Now these are all good if you want to share your faith and make sure everyone you come in contact with does not go to Hell but accepts Jesus as their Savior.

All was quiet a few minutes ago. Now they are circling my space like a bunch of fruit flies.

My chest is heavy. My thoughts are deep. I wish it wasn't like that. I wish for one day my body would not hurt. My leg pain would not be a constant reminder of where I have been and where I am now.

I know what I need and that is a strong relationship with God. God will try us, but he won't temp us. Only the Devil will temp us.

Just as if your thoughts will discourage you and depress you. Your thoughts are the most powerful thing you have.

Years of being talked down to, labeled as the "fat kid, fat child, the bully, the loud one, the one who just couldn't seem to get it right know matter how hard I tried. I spent years and even now feeling "just not quite good enough" Not good enough for my children, my husband, my kids, my friends and even God. Most of the later feelings came after the chronic pain. I am learning to live life with the pain but in order to do that I must get through the poor me, self pity crap.

I never gave up. I never let those the thoughts really define who I am. I just pushed them to the side. I stuffed them. Then I ate to console those feelings of inadequacy. Uncontrolled emotions because on the inside I had no stability or consistency in my life or in my thoughts.

Do I have faith or fear? Do I have Joy or hatred?

I ask for a soften heart in my marriage and with my children. I ask for the worry to be gone and the pain to be taken away.

My thoughts are are mixed. Some times deep and dark other times uplifting and I feel as though I am on the road to recovery.

I can control panic attacks. I am worth it. I am worth more then I feel or think at times.

When my thoughts are deep I can ONLY cast all my fears and anxiety on him because he cares.

I will be okay.

My house will not be okay. The kids have tore this place up in the last 20 minutes. They are now fighting. I continue to blog ignoring them. Thinking about my to-list. It is long.

I am blessed. Beyond blessed. The kid just peed on my carpet...at least I know his bladder is healthy. that is a blessing.

Right???

Last to bed...

2011-01-15T07:35:00.001-08:00

First one to wake up. How does that work when your the mom?

I seem to stumble to bed exhausted and stumble out of bed exhausted.

I woke up this morning to bring my beloved first born to a school function ~~so he could give the teachers and the fellow students his eye rolls~~

But first I trip over one huge big fat stupid yellow Tonka Truck. Yep, that will leave a mark.

It is quiet here right now. I savor the moments. It won't be to much longer until my children decide it is time to face the world with their ~~I woke up the wrong side of the bed~~ gleaming smiles and want to snuggle.

I can hear the hum of the dishwasher..what a great moment. I love the fact I have a dishwasher. for many year I didn't. I had a place for one. Bought it new. It was just hooked up wrong. So for 6 years I just looked at it. In retrospect...who in the heck does that???

Miss America just woke up...how does she know I am awake? She went to bed at 11pm, very very late for her. Now she will be crabby pants all day. No nap or I will be forced to stay up with her till 12am. Making me Miss crabby pants tomorrow.

I think it is funny that people read my blog but don't say anything, don't comment once just to let me know that they are stalking me. It would help a great deal when I run into you in this very small town and you ask me something, I stare at you like your an idiot then I feel like an Idiot because later I realize I was the one who put it out there for the whole world to see.

Until tomorrow....

The Joy of the Lord is my strength

Aww..Friday

2011-01-14T09:50:00.000-08:00

My kids have not ate breakfast and are running round with no clothes on. I will not disturb them because for once they are not fighting. The are actually enjoying each others company. I am waiting for the "she bit me" He pinched me" any minute or for the to come flying upstairs to tell me they need something in their demanding whiny voices ~~then I would have to parent~~ but until then you get me.

Joyce Meyers has to be one gifted women I tell you. I record and watch her everyday. It helps with the anxious feeling I have and hold on to, most days. I wouldn't say I am depressed but I can't disagree with a doctor. I still get up. I shower, I do not lay in bed , although I would like to some days.

One day at church I was in the commons trying to catch my breath. Trying to go back into the worship center and I could not bring myself to the doors.

A friend who had seen me asked me if I was okay.

Of course I was! Why would she ask such a thing ~~my face was white as a ghost, I was sweating, I looked like death~~ of course I was just fine. I was perfect. She didn't buy it. Not for a second.

I looked at her and tried to tell her I was FINE.

No such luck. she caught on.

Her story was my story although I would have never guessed it. I would have never thought in a million years she had the same thing. NEVER. She was put together. Expecting her 3rd child , looking beautiful and here she was telling me the medications I need to get on so I could continue my life. Talk about a divine appointment.

I tried to go to Target with my Best Friend for some Christmas gifts. 15 minutes into the trip I am not doing so good. I reach for my purse and continue to let her check out for me. I take her keys run to the car and cry. I sob. How did my life get so far out of control? Would I be one of those people who are at the store at 1am shopping? I cry even harder. I ask her why this is happening?? She has no answers and encourages me. Tells me to look at how far have come in the last 3 weeks. We continue. I even went to Costco that day! YIPPEEE!

Guess what? My kids have managed to find me....they are hungry. Dressed themselves ~~looking like Orphan Annie~~ and now bringing me their cereal boxes.

Until next time...Stay Busy blessing everything you can bless by the words of your mouth...and remember...The Holy spirit will not work if you complain.

Treasure In Every Trial

2011-01-13T08:43:00.001-08:00

They last doctor told me that there was nothing else he could do for me. ~~I guess 4 surgeries couldn't fix it Why attempted a 5th ?~~

I hit rock bottom.

I could not really believe that this was something I was going to live with my whole life. I didn't process it. I dwelled on it. I secretly held on to it. I worried about it. I felt low. Lower then I had expected

Pain takes the patience right out of you. It takes your mind to places you don't want to be. No amount of medication can or will fix it. You can't take your mind off the pain that radiates down your legs and through your back.

Your cautious of everything. Your worried about walking across a snowy parking lot, riding a ride at the fair , walking to long, pushing the cart at Costco with 8 gallons of milk in it. You know for a fact that when you get out there and do normal everyday stuff you will pay for it. I try not to think about it and just do. I look normal. ~~I am so not normal, ask my best friend~~ I have to keep going. If I don't then I Will focus on my worries , thus leading me to panic mode.

Going out to dinner is painful. Sitting for a mere hour can suck the joy right out of you. I should order a few shots of Tequila but I don't even though it would be a temporary fix to my pain. I might just laugh again.

Chronic is a big word. I hate the word. I really really really do ( did you get that?) and I hate everything about this.

But my new Mantra is ....I will find Treasure in every Trial. ( thanks Joyce Meyers)

Surprise, Surprise

2011-01-12T10:57:00.000-08:00

I am 34 years old.

I have no stress in my life ( so I thought) I have a good life. Good support. Great husband.

None of that mattered. NONE of it. Zilch. Natta.

I continued having these episodes. I would run to my bed. Try to breathe. I can't. I have to relax.

There is no trigger. My body and brain feel as though it is not connecting. My eye keeps twitching. Sweat running down my back.

As a child I never felt safe. I never felt complete. I would dream of safety.

I did not feel safe taking so medications. I also did not know that switching medications can cause attacks.

As I examine my life I do have stress. I am the mom to 3 kids. I am the Take care of everything. look Perfect. House has to be perfect. Type of mom.

I would beat myself up mentally every night all at the same time I would give thanks to the Lord for the blessings. How does that work? Not sure.

I do not watch the news or anything about dying. I try to stay away from anything that can cause my mind to wonder into deep dark places. I can no longer watch shows involving abused, neglected children or read about children growing up in homes that are not stable ( I am not talking about your typical dysfunction) but stories of children beat and robbed of a childhood.

I hold on to it. I don't let it show. I don't want to be judged. I want to be perfect. I want perfect loving thoughts from my heart to my mouth. From my heart to my hands.

Striving for this is impossible.

Surprise. Surprise.

I am going crazy

2011-01-11T09:35:00.000-08:00

Your heart is pounding, your chest aches, you can't catch your breath. You can't swallow, your arms are going numb. Your lips are numb, you feel faint. You feel CRAZY. Your going to die.

What the heck is wrong with me?

I think I am having a heart attack. I know for a fact I have not fallen in love all over again.

I am going crazy.

My stomach hurts. I can't think. I want to run and put on my shoes and run far way from this but I can't. I have to get help. I need help.

It is now 12 am and I can't control it anymore. I have my husband call 911. They hook me up to an EKG , my blood pressure is dropping extremely low I need oxygen. They bring me in to the hospital. They to are not sure of what is going on.

Run all the test they can. Everything looks good. They proceed to monitor me for awhile. My heart rate is well over 150 beats per minute. I still can't breath. I feel like I am going to die.

At this point they could tell me to take street drugs and I would do it. I would find a dealer and pump myself full of anything and everything just so I don't feel a damn thing.

Let me back up...the doctors had been switching my medications for about 3 weeks. I have a huge fear of medication to begin with. When your taking 5 different kinds of medication your simple wear yourself out thinking about how this might effect you. Then they go and wean me off one but put me on another. This is not working. They give me a new one. My stomach is in knots. I can't leave the bed except to go the bathroom. I am sweating. Not sleeping. Satan has taken over my thoughts and my body, Therefor increasing my panic attacks. Another trip to the ER. I am have not been diagnosed with having the "crazies" but with panic attacks induced by drug withdraw.

I am prescribed 3 medications. I don't take them for a week. Thinking this is way to many pills for a person my age to take. They sit in my purse. I go back to the doctor. I have a small attack just waiting for him to enter the room. I breathe. I try to relax my body and bring my thoughts some place else. He gets upset with me and assures me that the medications will not kill me but make me better. He swore on a stack of bibles.

I go home taking the first round of pills. Nothing changes. Day 2 I take the days worth of pills nothing changes. I can't get out of bed. I am afraid to go the grocery store. I can't drive. I don't want to be home alone with the kids. I can't go anywhere. I tried church 3 times each time bolting out of the door like a mad women. I can't breath. I am dizzy. I can't do this.

I can't even read about panic attacks because I will have one.

I am crazy.

I make an appointment to talk to someone. I find that this is very common. I start to understand what is going on with me. I read a few books. I have one book " Anxious For Nothing" that was mailed to me by an anonymous friend. ( thank you Thank You THANK YOU)

I have read it 3 times and go to it everyday.

I am not crazy.

The rest of the story will continue..but my kids have turned themselves into Mike Tyson in the bath tub.

Therapy

2011-01-10T09:56:00.001-08:00

Here it is Monday morning. I hate Monday's. Okay I hate most days of the week. All the days of the week always involve demanding children, bills, cleaning and relationships..days running into days. No set schedule. No pressing meetings that make me feel like I have any sort of life outside of this job ( Please don't get me wrong, I am BLESSED to stay home with them)

I have wrapping paper shoved into couch cushions, you would think because they are hidden I would forget about them. No such luck I know them little pieces are stuffed in there along with candy wrappers from Halloween, popcorn, pens, pencils but I know there is no money in there ~~if there was I would be at the Casino~~

At least my tree is down. The holiday closet is back to normal ( all shoved in there) so I don't dare open the door for the fear of an Easter basket of valentines decoration hitting my head knocking me out ( not a bad thing) and then making me get really uptight at the lack of organization my husband possesses.

My almost 3 year old still eats baby cereal everyday. I have tried oatmeal, cream of wheat but no he insists I buy the 3.50 box of Gerber baby cereal. Can't you just eat crappy sugar filled Fruity Pebbles like your mom? I am willing to share.

My lights are still up around the house. Yes, go ahead drive by and laugh. The more you laugh the longer I will keep up my inflatables. I lost 3 inflatables this year. ( poor Santa ripped his pants) So I am stuck with the Chubby snowman ( that we bought when we where fat people so it was kinda funny) and a polar bear. I am thinking since my lights are red & white they will look very festive as Valentines day rolls around. Just remember that when you drive by.

Hoping the sun does not shine today. If it does then I will be able to see the art work my child has drawn in the dust on my black shelving. I hate black furniture. Dusting every other ~~month~~ day just doesn't cut it.

I am really hoping they have all day kindergarten next year. ~~I really need my 5 year old gone all day~~ it would really help her in her academic future.

It maybe snowing outside and colder then my freezer but I had to crack teenagers window today. I just about threw up in my mouth when I went to put his clothes away. Boys stink. Until you have a puberty stricken , sweat coming from every pore you will never understand the stench a boy can have.

I could give you a more inspiring post or something up lifting but this is my life. This is my therapy. Judge all you want. I really don't care. This is my 2011 resolution. If you want to visit me that is great. I am not going to worry if there is a million slimy soap filled hand prints on my bathroom mirror, toothpaste spit out all over the place ( I will make sure my toilet seat is free from urine) If my garbage stinks don't worry I will spray some really strong room spray so you gag when you walk in. Shortening your visit.

I have 37 clocks all over the house all in testing mode. Good thing I have 3 mantels through out the house. You can know what time it is everywhere you go or you can watch the clock and lie to me that it is time to go because my kids are screamers and fight over the stupidest stuff.

They are quiet now but that can change in about .1 seconds.

I am in my pajamas really contemplating dropping my child off looking like I just crawled out of bed but since I have to look like I have it all together and I stink I will shower and look some what normal when I drop her off. I wish we had drive Thru drop off. Now that is a concept.

Welcome to my blog. Welcome to my therapy.

One Last Post

2010-12-31T17:59:00.000-08:00

Figured I would write the final post for 2010...

2010 was a good year...It could have been worse.

We still are all here.

We are taken care of by grace and mercy.

Jeremy has a job.

Matthew is doing great in school.

Olivia turned 5 and is giving me a run for my money.

Carter will be 3 in a few months and although he still has an occasional bout with his stomach issues he is healthy and off all medications.

Mikey is doing good. He is going school and working. I am very proud of him.

I am going to focus on myself . Giving more to others. Building relationships and nurturing the ones I have.

I have no specif goals for 2011 ...I quit making resolutions long ago...because I can't keep them.

Honesty is always the best policy ;)

I am Thankful for those who have walked along side of me over the past year. I am thankful for everyone who has prayed, brought meals and helped out with the kids.

It takes a village to raise children.

You can never ever have enough people love you or your children.

Happy New Year!!

296 pounds

2010-12-30T17:07:00.001-08:00

Yep, that is what our total so far is in our weight loss journey.

I have no idea why I am sharing this or even giving it a title.

I am trying to find a blessing in each and everyday.

Play-doh is not as fun as what it looks like on TV.

It should snow and quit being cold.

The kids should really learn the Fruits of the Spirit.

I should really thrown on some jeans and fluff my hair before my hubby comes home.

I am working on not complaining or grumbling when doing things for my family, myself or others.

I am randomly blogging so you won't forget about me.

Billy Madison is still a funny classic.

My teenage son is full of teenage angst.

I will soon be registering Miss America for School and Carter for preschool ( God willing he learns not to pee outside or on the floor)

When I have free time I am going to decorate the house ( if you know me, your laughing)

Over the last few months God is testing me, he is given me what I can handle as long as I have trust and faith in him.

I am guarded by nature.

2011 I will strive to LIVE and not go through the motions.

I will laugh more. Worry Less.

Carter John Deere

2010-12-29T09:53:00.000-08:00

Oh, I know I have not blogged in forever. I will fill you in later on why but for now I want to share a few things about my baby AKA Carter John Deere.

That is what he calls himself as he is decked out with his John Deere sweatshirt and hat. For Christmas he received 9 John Deere trucks & trailers. The kid is in heaven. I just love watching him play with all his trucks, tractors & trailers.

About a month ago I could hear him screaming on the kitchen counter. I ran into the kitchen only to find blood coming from his mouth and Miss America telling me she was going to her room for a big time out.

It took only seconds for me to realize she had used the toe nail clippers on his tongue. YIKES!! he cried for a few seconds as my mom was here and shoved a towel in his mouth so we could see how much damage had been done. Lucky for us ,very little had been cut. He cried for a few seconds and now tells anyone who listens his Lala ( Olivia) cut his tongue with scissors, oh, that's great. Some secrets are meant to be kept in our home ( not that I am blogging about it)

He tells me this morning that going on the potty makes him sick and his back hurts so he needs to wear his diaper.

He takes my coffee and always asks for a "little bit " and that means 2 big gulps , puts down the cup and exclaims he has germs.

If I do something he doesn't like ( like say no to having his pliers grip my nose) he tells me I am on the naughty list.

He is loud. He doesn't mean to be it is just his personality. He loves people and birthdays. We have let him have his way one to many times ( give me a break he is the baby) when it comes to blowing out other peoples candles. We have a string of birthday's from September to December , each time we sing for the birthday person we must relight the candles and let him do it.

I am so thankful for my Carter John Deere. He always has a smile , he loves to cuddle and melts my heart daily.

We love our "Surprise" baby ...

3 kids..3 times the Loot!

2010-11-05T16:02:00.000-07:00

Benefit #376 of having more then one kid....

I get to rummage through 3 bags of candy..eat all the Almond Joys , hide over half of it and use it for Easter Candy or a PMS craving.

Just sayin'

Sassy Sumo's

2010-11-05T15:52:00.001-07:00

How can you not love a sumo wrestler?? Especially since they are 2 & 5 years old??
I love Halloween costumes! We pulled up the bins this year and everyday for 3 weeks the kids wore crazy costumes. I was again reminded on why I collect them. They are fun. The create memories and most of all you laugh.

The best part is when these Sumo's run their butt & bellies shake..

Friday's Facts...

2010-11-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

Thankful For:

No more calls from politicians telling me why I should vote for them. Arghhh..18 missed calls in one day can drive a person crazy. One of my friends turned off her ringer for days. Another one weighed her junk politics mail..2.8 pounds of flyer's. Seriously!

Listening To:

Toy Story 3

What's For Dinner:

Taco's...

Looking Forward To:

Putting up my Christmas tree. I found some AWESOME decorations last year for 10 cents each! I am going to have a Pink & Teal Tree. I can't wait. If you drive by next week and it is up. Please don't say a word!

I am Missing:

I still have not found my housekeeper. ;)

Quote of the week:

" Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them."

De-Funk De-Junk

2010-11-05T15:27:00.000-07:00

I logged into blogger last night. First time in about a month. I think I just felt overwhelmed and the fact that the one thing my mom always told me was "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all ". Not that I follow this rule. Not that I am good at following this rule but you get the idea. I sometimes have no filter and things just come out of my mouth. Truth be told I am working on this.

People disappoint me. People make me angry. People are people and that's what makes the world go around.

I realize that everyone is different. It is hard not to judge one another. However when their actions display the same thing over and over again, how do you keep from telling them that they have hurt you? That they are bringing you down? What if these people are are your family? Your friends? Do you continue to just "love " them?

I wish that I could blog about something upbeat but I can't today. I am not sure if it is emotions getting the best of me or my chronic pain that seems to have taken over my life.

Whatever it maybe I need to really de-funk and de-junk my life.

This is the 4th post I have written today. I am going to post this one. If not for me then for you...my stalkers. I am alive, I am holding my own.

Next post will be a happy one. A thankful one.

Friday Facts

2010-09-24T08:29:00.000-07:00

Thankful For:

There is so much I could say...I am just a thankful person. I am thankful for all the people in my life and the ones who come along side of our kids and love them and support them in all they do. I try not to take any day for granted. Does that mean I am not crabby or self -centered sometimes? No, I still battle the crap. I still get depleted. I still run on empty but in the back of my mind I am always thankful. We are blessed with much more then most people , not because we are better then others or work harder then others being blessed has nothing to do with either of that. Our life could be worse and I don't take what we have for granted.

Listening To: Mickey Mouse and a kid yelling for a circle sandwich.

What's For Dinner: Left overs from the week...almost like a Buffet...well except we won't be having hundreds of people coming through the line.

Looking Forward To:

Fall is here. I am thinking of decorating today , however that will depend on if my mood changes or not. I am just a bit crabby today. I am feeling depleted. Empty. I figured if I blogged I would feel better but no...

I am Missing: about 30 hours of sleep this past week.

Quote of the week: " In a minute. I promise. I will get you what you need in a minute. "
This is me...all week..I feel like I just can't get it all pulled together.

~ What Are Your Friday Facts??? I would love to read about your week!

Lazy Days with Rachael Ray

2010-09-23T14:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was way to busy for me. I am hurting today. We ran errands, then dropped Liv off at school, headed to town, picked up Liv, headed home where I changed a diaper grabbed some Snacks for Matthew's first Football game ( they WON!) left early ( had one sad 13 year old) to go grab dinner , change into our leader shirts for our church group headed to church , came home loaded / unloaded the dishwasher, put grumpy kids to bed , fixed dinner ( for me) watched one show and crawled into bed.

Today I skipped MOPS, showered around 11, found a sitter, went to the store, headed home, forgot why I went to the store, put dinner in the crockpot, and that's about it. My back & legs are aching, the couch is my friend today.

I love Rachael Ray. I want her pots & pans set, her serving dishes and knife set.

I want to be like her.

I am making these. Inside out English Muffins!

The Brie & Apricot preserves is what I will be trying.

You can cook these on the griddle!! How sweet is that!

What fun!

Look What Lala Did...

2010-09-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

She helped me with my make-up....

I almost forgot to thank her.

Here She is Miss America

2010-09-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

Oh my Sweet Sue..I am so in love with you. You are the highlight of my day. You are my girl ( although Dad claims you as his) You are my life. I adore watching you grow up.

I was very nervous about having a girl. I was scared. I had no idea how to raise you ( not that I had any idea how to raise your brother but he was a boy) and I felt alone teaching you all the stuff girls should know.

I love watching you come out of my room dressed up in my clothes, I love watching your facial expressions as I put on my make-up and curl my hair. Your always one step behind me in EVERYTHING I do...Today you wanted to make the Sloppy Joes and I have to say you did a pretty good job.
Second year of preschool and you are a bit bored. You are dying to go to Kindergarten and can't figure out why you are not there but on the flip side you are not fond of the idea of leaving me all day.

Your very social...My eyes are not even open yet and you are asking for a play date. You bring me the phone everyday so I can call your friend(s).

You love shoes and anything that sparkles You are alot like your Grammy Karen. You tell me every week that she has more shoes and anklets then you do and when you get bigger your buying her house so you can have her closet.

You loved picking blackberries and talk about our 30 minute adventure every week. You love to boss around your brothers ( and your mom & dad) given the chance.

You my dear, keep me on my toes....

Happy 5th Birthday our Princess!

8th Grade

2010-09-21T08:36:00.000-07:00

This is the first day of 6th Grade...oh, how he has grown....

First day of 8th grade..Last year in Middle School. Yes, I shed a tear.

I will Love you forever. I will Like you for always. As Long as I am Living my baby you'll be.

Picture Overload

2010-09-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

Sooo...Matthew figured out a way to get my pictures to upload..not an easy way but a way...

Date Night

The Fair

Silly Kids...Snow boots and all

Pedicures with the family...My niece Jada

Miss America and her Cousins...

Annual Tractor Show the Grandpa

Everyone should Vote!

To much fun...equals an exhausted 4 year old

Priceless....

Scary Monster

Loves cruising the boat with her daddy....

My Not So Lucky Morning

2010-09-20T11:43:00.001-07:00

Lucky Charms for breakfast, Does not make for a lucky day. Who was I kidding??

He said a bad word

2010-09-16T12:47:00.001-07:00

My little kids hate going to the nursery. We have had our number flash on the screen many times during church service. Arghh...and remember I told you my husband makes us sit towards the front? We have had a child with us 4 out of the last 9 times we attended service.

They act as if we never have taken them to "church school"

Really? How can you forget? We have been attending for 8 years!

Olivia still hangs on to me, evil eyes me as I run for the door.

I need this break! Don't they get it?

Don't they get I am women before I am a mom? Of course not. No Way.

We went to the first MOPS meeting of the year. This requires Carter to go to "Church School" and because we don't go but 2 times a month , he is not a fan of me bolting from the door. I can hear him screaming as I walk Liv to her class. He is sobbing. I think to myself he has to stay there, I am not missing this meeting, I am not getting a sitter ( as I have done the previous year due to not being able to load them or unload them) I am going to try and tune you out. He quit crying by the time I walked past his classroom door. Okay, I ran past the door in hopes he would NOT see me.

We had a great meeting. I don't get called away.

We arrive home and as we are getting out of the truck I ask Carter " how was church School?"

It Sucked!!

I try not to laugh as I process what he just blurted out.

~~Tattletale~~ Olivia tells me Carter said a naughty word.

Followed by...

Aren't you going to spank his A**?

Access Allowed

2010-09-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

Blogger has a new feature that will allow you to see who is reading your blog. It is a cool feature that will allow you to see how many hits you get a day, week, month and it even breaks it down to the hour. It will let you see where your visitors are coming from ( Canada, Thailand) and will let you see the keyword people use to search for your blog.

If I wanted to be rich off this ~~I would blog about my husband and my life anonymously~~ and care about how people find my blog, then I wouldn't care who found me but when you find that you have CREEPERS looking at your blog for S**ual stuff you tend to go a bit nuts and lock it down.

I was a bit overwhelmed by the response I got when I went private..I am sorry to all you readers out there. NOBODY was allowed access so PLEASE quit taking it so personal. I changed a few settings so now you should be able to read it without logging into a google account, but I would encourage you to set up a google account ( this is very easy) so if these setting's do not work, then you will be able to view the blog ~~and comment on my post so I don't feel like I am being stalked~~ I will send out an invite to your email address and then you will be able to read it. If you do not get an invite ~~this means I don't like you~~ then email me.

So whatcha going to do???

Set up a google account

Comment on the posts you love

and continue stalking me...

Mu ah!! xoxoxox

Your Home Is Not for Show

2010-09-02T08:02:00.000-07:00

Yep, that is what a good friend told me a few weeks back...that must have been because she seen me a WRECK because my counter was full of crap, toys strung from one end of the house to another, I am sure there was toys in the toilets, toilet paper wrapped around a baby doll, soap nicely dispensed all over the counter with soapy hand prints covering my bathroom mirror, or the fact every toy bin had been dumped out and was resting nicely into a large heap that I had to walk over to get to the dresser.

The shoe bin had been dumped out by the door , the dogs food was thrown all around, there was enough food under the counters for a complete 5 course meal...

Why would I freak out? I mean really?

As my good friend had mentioned, my house was not for show...a family actually lived here.

My response was a family of monkeys live here...at least nobody was flinging poo

( not yet anyways)

In Your Dreams...

2010-09-01T18:46:00.000-07:00

Maybe it was the heartache I felt sending my "baby" to 8th grade today , maybe it was the emotions I feel knowing my princess will be 5 in few weeks or maybe it is the fact we still have an empty chair at the dinner table. Whatever it maybe , has had me dreaming of a baby the last few weeks. I wake up with joy in my heart and an automatic sense of chaoticness ( that could be because it is chaotic) as I stumble to the coffee pot. Does this feeling ever end? Do you really know your done having children? Yes, situations make it harder for us at this time in our life to justify having a baby and the fact my in-laws and best friend would think we are nutso...Maybe one day I can get another princess...my Lucy Sue. Until then...I will dream , and cherish the others chaotic blessings...

Hey Mom Call Me

2010-08-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

When I met Jeremy he would tell me all the time if he ever won the lottery he would spend his days taking the elderly out to coffee, everyday that he could. I will never forget that. I could see how much he loved his grandparents and the elderly.

Jeremy's grandparent's are WONDERFUL, all of them.

They will call him if their TV isn't working , he will drop everything and go and help them, whatever their need maybe. He will stop by for coffee and cookies ( as Grandma will always have cookies) My kids love going to see them ( they know grandma will load them up on cookies) and they love seeing the kids.

When Matthew was about 7-9 years old they would go every Monday and have 3:00 coffee and cookies. Jeremy would try to limit Matthew to 3 cookies but always turned a blind eye when Grandma would sneak Matthew a few more for good measure.

When I had my first Surgery Grandma was in California. She spent 2 days trying to call me at the hospital, not knowing I had been sent home to recover.

Grandma is in her 90's as well as Grandpa and I have to tell you they are amazing.

We went to visit Grandma yesterday as she was recovering from hip surgery. She looked good in spite of all the pain she was in. She was very happy to see us and good thing she wasn't to embarrassed as my kids ran up & down the hallways making friends with the health care staff.

One of the highlights was the fact Grandma had cookies in her recovery room, making the kids so excited!!

Jeremy went later in the evening to bring Grandpa back home after his visit with Grandma...as they where leaving Grandpa bent down to kiss Grandma , patted her arm and tells her...

..Hey mom, why don't you call me when you think your coming home, give me a few days notice so I can clean the house. It is not to bad, I think you can get in...

My heart melted as Jeremy told me the story....that sounds just like Jeremy & I...I call him when I am about an hour away from home so he can "clean the house" and if you know Grandma you know everything has to be just right at home...just like me.

When I told Jeremy that totally reminded me of us...he smiled and said I know, I had to tell you it was the sweetest thing ever!

Today Jeremy is "babysitting" his other Grandpa for the day. His Grandma has to be out of town for the day , she called Jeremy to ask him to babysit Grandpa ( as he has Alzheimer's) and without hesitation he said yes....

What a very unselfish man who teaches me and our children everyday how to love others and put others before yourself.

" Love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul and all your mind" This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is just like it " LOVE your neighbor as yourself"

Matthew 22:37-39

Quick update

2010-08-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

Here is a quick update on my back...

It still hurts ...

Okay, I will give you a bit more then that..

I have had continuing leg pain that I swear has never gone away and not one surgery has fixed it. The 3rd surgery was the most helpful but not 100% curable.

I am scheduled for an MRI to see if another surgery will be needed. My doctor doesn't recommend another one and at this point I don't care...what could it really hurt? I mean c'mon if it has any chance of taking away the pain then I will go for it. However, since he doesn't recommend it unless absolutely necessary I am looking at other options.

Sometimes I feel as if I am walking around broken....I look normal but inside I am sad and disappointed that there has not been a relief to the pain in over 4 almost 5 years...could you imagine walking around with a broken arm or leg even a finger for 5 years and yet, trying to live life?

I have 4 reasons to get out of bed each morning...

I adore them and they adore me.

No peeing on your sister

2010-08-27T14:45:00.000-07:00

I am really starting wonder if my kids are normal. Yep, you can guess by the title of this post that naughtiness has stuck again.

So, Miss America is eating breakfast in her chair ( an overstuffed kids chair) and she starts screaming.

I ignore her and continue on facecracking it.

She comes running to me and is covered in something....yea, that would be pee.

GROSS!!

Carter had taken it upon himself to pee on her.

GROSS!!!

I clean her up , punish Carter and put the chair outside to dry.

Fast forward 4 hours later.....

Olivia goes to get the chair and I look outside just in time to see Carter doing the pee stance, ready to aim.....

URGHHH.....

Needless to say he got in BIG trouble...and now walks around the house yelling...

I NOT PEE ON LALA!!

Well jeez kid I hope you don't pee on her again, what are you a dog?

* Carter name for Olivia is Lala....he can't say Olivia

Why Hello!

2010-08-25T23:34:00.001-07:00

aww...my blog..how I have missed you. I have not even signed into my blog account for awhile and that means I have about 200 blog post to read. YIKES!

I can't sleep. My mind is a racing.

I made a "to do list" of 56 things I need to accomplish in the next few weeks. My mind is ready for them but my body is not. I broke the list down into manageable chunks , now let me NOT lose the list or let life get in the way.

You will need to bare with me. I still can't load pictures on this super slow thing I call a computer...that means you might not see what I found in my strawberries or all the pictures of my darling kiddos.

Why is it I even attempt to check out library books? I pay more in late charges then any person I know. I mean how hard is it to grab the 4 items and drop them off 4 blocks away? Obviously to hard or I wouldn't owe 5.46

Why is it that you spend so much time worrying about if people like you or not? I mean really? Who cares if they do or don't? Why do people consume themselves with playing games pitting friends against friends? Why is it people can't say no without feeling guilty? Why is it your the one who has to reach out and having no one reach back? Why can't people take words for what they are? Why must people project their own insecurities on others? Why do people try to let others get to know them, when the other doesn't care to know them?

These are the questions that roll around in my head and I know that I will NEVER get the answers. So I let it go....but hey if you have the answers fill me in!

Went to the spray park today...the lids LOVED it! Well the little ones did. Mr. I am to cool for anything because I am 14 tried to enjoy it. Aww.. the joys of having such a huge age gap. If any of you think it is easier then having kids2-3 years apart you are mistaken..BIG TIME!

Olivia will be 5 in a few weeks...a no frills party has turned into a a " BIG FRILLS ' party...

Carter my baby ( and always will be) has an obsession with tractors. Has to sleep with a tractor & trailer every night.

I am suppose to be working on my home school lesson plans...I have to turn them in by Friday...urghh once again my procrastination gets the best of me.

Jeremy & Matthew where wrestling around last week and Matthew took Jeremy down , resulting a rib injury for Jer. Matthew felt bad but I think inside he was thinking he was Mr. tough pants..

I feel bad...but it was kinda funny..

Until next time...

I promise it won't be a long time...

I have been Surviving

2010-08-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

Yep, I need some time way from the blog.

My thoughts seems to be going in a directions that I would rather not share due the fact they would make me look like a crazy. No seriously, I have been in pain and pain doesn't help my attitude.

I just wish that there was something, anything the doctor could do for me. My good days seems far and few. I try to put on the " I am okay, everything is great " face but that that is getting old too....

We had a great family vacation with the in-laws. It was so nice to get away. Waking up everyday to the sun was definitely good for the spirit. I was even able to finish a book ( that has not happened in over a year) and get a tan. What sucked was coming home to having no plumbing and having Roto-Rooter come out 2 times to fix the problem, I mean really fridge goes out right before we leave and then the plumbing. Nothing like an 800.00 week in the home owners department ( and they say this the American Dream)

I have been busy with just keeping up with the kids and all the family activities. My best friend even emailed me asking if she had made me mad because we have not seen each other or talked really in over a month.

So where have I been? I have been surviving.

Another Month

2010-08-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

Thought you might want an update on the family...since it has been one month since the last post. I wonder if I even still have any blog stalkers out there? I wonder if they missed me?

Today we celebrate 12 years of marriage. To me it is an accomplishment. He is my best friend , my life, my everything. I could not imagine life without him. Everyday we work at it. I savor everyday with him.

I also know that after 12 years love changes...

* your heart fills up with thankfulness that he calls you in the middle of the day

* you can make mistakes and know he forgives you ( like not getting him card on your anniversary)

* He can make you laugh

* He gets your humor

* He knows "your crazy eyes" look

* He knows what food you like and don't like

* He cooks dinner , even though I stay home

* He is the one I cry for every time I get out of surgery

* He gets me ( and that is hard for anyone)

Life is not perfect. Marriage is not perfect. Life is hard. Marriage is hard.

But everything seems a bit easier when you walk through it with your best friend.

Why Not?

2010-07-08T15:53:00.000-07:00

Why not have your fridge & freezer go out on a 93 degree day? Why not fork over 300.00 bucks to fix it right after you spent your monthly budget on Popsicles and slip & Slides? Why not scrub your freezer/fridge clean on a very hot day? Why not lose 150.00 in food?

Why wake up in excrucitating pain 5days ago knowing full well something is not right? Why not sit around and wait for the doctor to call you back?

I am having a not.so.very.unhappy.day.

But I then remember why not me? There are people with much less "everything" then me.

There are people hungry and hurting.

So I am turning this around....thanks to my hubby who has had to hear me cry at least 3 times today ( damn monthly PMS)

Honey, Lets look on the bright side...what if the fridge went out when we went on a vacation? what if we came back to that smell?

He is right.

What if?

Bright side...My brother in law loaned us his air conditioner so we have a very cool bedroom...my mother n law called at a not so good time today and offered to brave the heat and crowds to try and find me a pool for the kids since our got a hole in it yesterday.

Awww....on my not.so.very.rotten.day I still have family who loves us.

So I think...

Friday Facts

2010-06-18T07:56:00.000-07:00

Thankful For:

My hardworking husband. He is a great dad and a wonderful person. Yes, there are days I want to hurt him. There are days we don't see eye to eye so please don't misconstrue the compliments as an indicator that we are perfect and I have the perfect life...Blah. That is not me. We are not perfect. We have had our crap. Lots of it. But I can honestly tell you that his parents did something right with him..he is a good person. Honest, loving, giving and teaches me everyday to look on the bright side of everything life gives us. He has made my life better. He has shown me how to love, how to protect and how to love God.

I am so Thankful for my children. Matthew received an award this week. it was a big deal award. Only one of these awards are given out. It was for the Happiest/joyful student in the school. I was SOOOO proud. I mean his mother is crazy and he some how walks away with this award???

Maybe this is a good indicator he won't need Prozac when he gets older?

Listening To:

A bunch construction going on outside...house is quiet. Kids are sleeping...

What's For Dinner: Hot & Ready...feed my family for 6.00? Oh, yeah...

Looking Forward To:

I am planting a garden. My first one. It is a bit late. I am not sure how this will work but we shall see. Let's look on the bright side..I might just get lucky and have nothing grow...not forcing me into making Zucchini bread, muffins, pancakes, biscuits..you name it..

The sun shining, the sun coming around and the sun staying here...

I am Missing:

A baby around the house..I know I am crazy, crazy, crazy. crazy...but the whole new baby thing is so addicting.

Quote of the week: AMEN! ...Carter walks around the house yelling AMEN!

What are your Friday Facts??

What!? No Big Screen TV?

2010-06-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

I was laying in bed last night watching Bethanny Getting Married on BRAVO. I am a reality TV junkie. I have no idea why I get sucked in. These ladies are crazy and I love it. I can see myself in Bethanny, She is a REAL Housewife from New York , ya know? I am Real Housewives in a small town of perfect people...so we could really be good friends.

She is having a baby and getting married and the show is based around those 2 big details. Her and her soon to be husband had to register for gifts for their upcoming wedding and when watching them it reminded me of when we ( Jeremy & I ) went to Target to register for Olivia.

Having 9 years between our oldest and her and thinking that having more kids might not be for us we had purged all of our baby things. I saved the crib. it was outdated when Miss America arrived but I didn't care. I wanted all my kids and grandkids to have the same crib. I am sure there has been a massive recall or our crib or by the time I have grandkids it will be deemed unsafe.

We had never registered together for anything. Not for our wedding nor our first child. I registered by myself for our wedding as the Mr. was working out of town all the time.

So fast forward to our second child...I should have never brought Jeremy. He was like a crazy with the registering gun thingy they give you. He was going through out the store a bit bored at first until he realized he could register for anything...

and I mean anything....

When your cousin announces at the baby shower that she was sorry she couldn't purchase the big 52 inch plasma big screen for us ( as noted on our registry) I could have died.

Really? You registered for that?

And you can bet he did.

I LOVE that guy...

and we wonder why people don't take us to seriously...

Last Derby

2010-06-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

Matthew was 4 when we took him to his first fishing derby. We had no idea you had to be 5 in order to compete. The only way we found out is when he got first place and they asked him how old he was he said 4 . Good thing they all know us...they did not break his heart, they let him keep his prize. This year was his last derby. I was a bit sad. We have been doing local derby's for the 9 years.

Time doesn't stop, sometimes I wish it did.

As for Miss America & Carter John...they are still to young.

A room with a view..

2010-06-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

Or a front porch...Seriously, My bedroom window is right next to this big mess. I am looking on the bright side , Carter is fascinated for hours with the all the dirt moving....He even made himself comfy during the whole process..

Potty training sucks.

2010-06-14T10:14:00.000-07:00

And it is gross. It is messy. I really really really wish I could send them away to a potty training boot camp. Somebody PLEASE start one up.

I am joking. I don't anyone else helping my kiddos in the training process.

You would think I have potty trained 2 kids that I would be a pro , Super Potty Training Mama.

NOPE.

Not here.

The beginning is always gross.

Every child is different.

Matthew learned by peeing outside. Olivia received bandaids as her reward. Carter likes candy.

Screw the reward chart. I can't hardly remember to balance the checkbook let alone put a shiny star on a chart.

What are your ideas? Even if I have 3 kids..I still LOVE other moms advice.

Super Busy

2010-06-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

Although the weather has been horrible lately the sun decided to come through for us this weekend. I decided to have an impromptu garage sale. I did a sweep of the house ~~the messy, everywhere you turn there is crap~~ and put it for sale. The one thing I wish I would have taken into consideration is that it was the first nice Saturday in a long time. Nobody was really out to garage sale. They where at home cleaning their garage.

I love the ones who show up at 7:30 as you still have tarps on your stuff and the rip off your tarps, you get back from hanging out your signs only to find them digging through everything. I love the ones who pick up an item that is priced at 25 cents and want you to take a dime.

Really?

My favorite has to be when 2 customers get into a fight. This is priceless. One has to be 70 and the other maybe 30 and they fight over ONE shirt. I keep thinking I am going to grab the shirt and put it back into the donate pile. Thoughts of punishing them as I would my 2 & 4 Year old children.

Listen people, if you can't get along I will remove the said item until one of you can play fair.

Good Times.

Jeremy took the kids to the fishing derby. Olivia was to young and Matthew was right at the cutoff for his age. He caught his limit and then had to come home to clean them. GROSS. Carter LOVED the whole concept of fishing. Jeremy told me he was so excited. Carter actually touched the fish and tried to kiss it. DOUBLE YUK!

We closed up shop and went to a going away party for Jeremy's Cousin. She and her family are moving to Idaho. It was great to get together but sad to know she is moving 10 hours away. Just another reminder that family is important.

Sunday we finally made it to church ( as we have missed at least a good month) only to see our number flashing on the screen ( 2nd time in a row) to go and retrieve one of our darling children. Have I mentioned before we sit close to the front? Carter had to come sit with us for about an hour during service ( he had gotten sick , not flu sick just his tummy stuff) he did great sitting on our laps minus the spilt coffee and kicking the elderly ladies chair a few times.

After church the rain started AGAIN. Blah.

We proceeded to head to our local Log Show event. Matthew loved the show and Olivia was excited to see the tug of war between the loggers and the kids. Of course the kids WON!

And the sun came out!

This weekend was full and I loved it.

Kids snuggled into bed at 7:30 and me 8:30.

I was wide awake at 3am by 5:30 I was back in bed.

I was reminded that for me to complain about how busy I am or to complain about how my weekends fill up with obligations for others , it is not about us. It is about others. It is about showing respect, love and admiration and I am okay if my summer looks like that.

It's just a poll

2010-06-11T15:32:00.000-07:00

I was watching a show yesterday, I don't remember the name , it was on Bravo and they where talking about sex and the average married couple with children are having sex once a month. Now without being to graphic I just thought that seemed a bit low. I mean who answers these polls? Are those polls out there really a reflection on the average American people? Sometimes I see a poll and I wonder " who in the heck did they poll? " The polls on my blog CANNOT I repeat CANNOT be traced back to you. I will never know who clicked on what. I SWEAR. I just wanted to see what the average blog reader , average married, not married person ( but a couple with children) has to say.

Are we half dog?

2010-06-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

or pig..or what ever animal looks like this after they are done eating..
Who watches these kids???

Just like Brother

2010-06-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

He was in the shower, I took him out and the next thing I know he out side naked pushing his lawn mower....I brought him back in to get dressed...made it as far as the diaper and he was off again...

Keeps me on my toes

2010-06-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

This motorcycle thingy that is obnoxiously loud really needs to find a home outside....I mean c'mon my walls, legs and feet can only take so much crashing into...
He got big boy undies...and thought they would be grand on his head...

Carter, you never ever cease to amaze me or keep me smilin...

Who's To Do List??

2010-06-11T12:20:00.001-07:00

Okay...so I don't normally make list for my husband. That is not me...So when I did...here is what I got as a response..

He gave it to his dad....I wrote To Do ...he spruced it up by adding " Papa Darrels To Do List " Stinker.

Mother's Day

2010-06-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

We had a Mother's day lunch here. ( I know that was SO last month...Better late then never)

I am so happy the weather was nice then...the kids had fun playing out side and we had a great visit with my mother in law and sister in law.

Camping in the rain

2010-06-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

Sucks. We made the best of it .....

Her cousins suck their thumb..maybe she thought she should try it????

We had fun..created memories...but if it rains like that again..I am staying home :)

Dentist ROCK ( at least mine does!)

2010-06-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

Carter had his very first trip to the dentist. I love our dentist. I have been going for over 15 years..They are great with our kids.

No cavities! YIPEEE ( trying to save the money to fix a Laptop) and a trip to the prize cupboard makes them want to go back!

Wowzers

2010-06-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

Turn you back for a MINUTE and this happens..

They really do think we are made of money.

Big Boy Haircut

2010-06-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yeppers I finally got Carter a big boy haircut. He is now due for another haircut. That is how far behind I am in the blogging world. You see one of my kids broke my computer front, not allowing me to download pictures on my computer. I have to use the hubby's..as you will see in the another post typing on his computer has it's challenges...

I can't believe how long I let it go..It has to do with ME not wanting him to grow up...

Yes, I am proud..very Proud.

2010-06-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

My Sweet hormonal teenager has been working his tail off making money for his stuff this year. He has always been a worker and dreams big. I love that about him.

I would consider us giving parents whose children never lack for anything. Yes, their shoes may be falling apart or Jeans have holes in them before I make it to the store.

I have taught them to buy used, search clearance racks and clip coupons.

Since he was 9 he has learned then if he wants anything above and beyond he must work for it.

This summer he has paid for 6 months of texting ( in advance) and 4 ride passes to our local fair and he still has money in the bank trying to save for Summer camp.

I am a firm believer in teaching kids to save, I wish someone would have taught me.

We are so proud of him.

You ROCK Matthew! Keep up the good work!

Now what am I going to do?

2010-05-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am fat.

I have battled my weight for years. I think I was born a size 10 and then added a size every year after that.

I have seen the stares. I have felt the discrimination but I was VERY VERY aware of my weight.

Now that I have lost 93 pounds over the last 2 years and am only 43 away from my goal I have heard more unfriendly comments now then ever before.

I have seen it with my husband who is down over 150 pounds.

Guys will come up to him and instead of saying you look great or I didn't recognize you ( these are both fine to say) they say things like " Oh Man you are skinny, I guess now I need to get smaller then you" " Dude, your like the thin one now"

I am sure they don't mean anything by it and are happy to see Jeremy's transformation but things like that hurt. People are basically saying that

* you are to be the fat one our whole life

* you are not worthy of being smaller then me

I get this one...

Your going to be skinner then me now what am I going to do?

I have gotten this from 2 or 3 different people and I want to say....

Well You can go on a diet.

You can keep your mouth shut.

Say I look good...build me up.

I have never been one to let myself get so insecure about how I look. Yes, there are things that I don't like or wish I could change but I still put on a swimsuit , I still try to look good everyday.

I always wondered how people could get so insecure or overly sensitive to others around them trying to lose weight and make a lifestyle change. If you are that insecure and feel like your life is over because we are changing our life PLEASE don't say anything at all....

Can't you just be proud of them?

FREE ME

2010-05-25T07:37:00.000-07:00

Free ME from the FREEBIES...

I have an obsession for free things lately. I have no idea why. I have signed up for over 25 free samples of random ~~Shit~~ stuff.

I have been following FREEBIES4MOMS on Facecrack. Love her coupons and I have purchased things I normally buy for 25 cents or I have gotten stuff Free. She has the best photobook deals and coupons for free things.. It really is a great site.

Yesterday I got a brand new Men's razor. Sweet. Your Jealous.

BUT THIS..THIS TAKES THE WHOLE MOTHER OF GRAIL FREEBIES..........

You want one. I know you do.

You want to look like the guy/gal on the box tipping a damn tea-top in your nose.

This is a Tad bit funny...

It can't be over

2010-05-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

Since Friday morning the boys loaded up Papa's tractor and went down south to our property. The place needed a bit of sprucing up. They cleaned flower beds, hauled away junk and put down a new coat of gravel.

I bet it will look great.

Friday night Jeremy called me to tell me he had a great time at dinner with the boys. He was able to sit for over an hour and enjoy the meal. Carter was wonderful. Never throwing a fit or causing a scene. I was a bit Jealous.

Saturday Miss America & I stayed in our pajamas till around 4. Aww...how nice. I had all these big plans to get stuff done. Start on a project, clean rooms, sort through the kids clothes and go through cupboards. Nope. Cleaned one room and did 4 loads of laundry. I was in bed by 10 every night.

I woke up at 10 today. Miss America woke me up at 9. I fell back asleep until she she started shaking me yelling " MOM YOUR SNORING" I wanted to tell her that when a person is snoring you NEVER EVER wake them up. But, in case there was ever an emergency I wouldn't want her to not wake me up. Plus she had a good sleep last night and was rearing to go.

I am not.

I am still in my pajamas.

I am not wanting this weekend to be over.

I am looking at my calendar thinking when would Jeremy be available to take all of them for the weekend.

I needed this. I really did.

I talked to Jeremy last night and I was laughing because having one small kid feels like such a break , a huge break.

Then it dawned on me...Olivia was Carter's age when I brought Carter home from the hospital.

And I wonder why I jump the crazy train everyday....

I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Friday Facts

2010-05-21T08:05:00.000-07:00

I have not blog Friday Facts for awhile , over a month actually. I figured I should really start going at it again.

I am feeling somewhat better. I still have help that comes 2 days a week , helps with laundry, and other chores along with babysitting so I can get some things accomplished. This week has been my busiest by far. I am overwhelmed. Tired. Crabby. Hurting.

So I am going to finish today off with a cleaning marathon ( I have help coming) and then I swear I am laying in bed ~~yelling at my kids to get me this & that , bossing my husband around~~ and relaxing.

Thankful For:

Finding a great deal on tickets to California . I am also thankful for my mother in law who answered her phone at least 12 times to help me with the whole booking process ( no joke ) I was so nervous. I did not plan on going to Disneyland. I don't even know that we could afford to go when the times comes to fly out , but hey we are leaving on a Jet Plane. I don't spend that kinda money and especially on a whim. I was thankful I booked it. I had like 7 friends who booked flights.

Listening To:

Miss America change her outfit for the 3rd time all while picking on Carter , Making him scream.

What's For Dinner:

I have no idea. None.

Looking Forward To:

Doing nothing tomorrow.

Quote of the week:

"MOM!!!!!!!!! MOM!!!!! MOM!!!! "

What are your Friday Facts?

Taco Bell 2.00 deals

2010-05-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

What do you do when your 13 year comes out of the dentist office higher then a kite and drooling all over himself?

You want to laugh and make fun of him. You want to say " you should have brushed your teeth better"

But you can't get a word in edge wise.

He is going on about how I was in the TV during the procedure telling him we can go to Taco Bell and get the 2.00 meal. I promised him a Pepsi with the meal.

I tried to explain to him that I was never in the TV and we don't have a Taco Bell in town.

We are in the van and he is going on and on and on about the 2.00 deal.

I tell him he can't eat for 5 hours.

BUT mom you said I could when I was getting my teeth fixed....You came on the TV and told me we are going there...

I had to try and tell him it wasn't real. I wasn't on TV and we are not going to Taco Bell.

He got all teary-eyed.

...I am sucker.

I brought him home a 2.00 meal after my doctors appointment.

Oh, How I wish I would have videoed that ride home.

Told you so

2010-05-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

I really should start a blog series on " I told you so ' topics. You know the kinda post that totally makes you , the wife look like a winner.

Jeremy asked me if I had seen his phone, I hadn't. I told him to take mine ( mine is new fancy dancy keyboard , flip thing a ma bob) He takes mine and as he is walking out the door he asked me if I knew how to text on that phone.

Umm..No.

It takes me 45 minutes to write a 3 liner text.

I ask why he needs it.

He needs to text Matthew.

I say call him, it is free.

Jeremy said he couldn't. He was given specific instructions not to call but to text him.

I TOLD YOU SO!

Alien boys only form of communication.

Now..where can I sign up for texting class?

If all my Friends wonder why I turned into a horrible speller ( worse then I am) during the 10 th text they have been getting from me...

I am practicing people!

Push Me Over

2010-05-17T17:40:00.001-07:00

the cliff.

really.

I have so many thoughts in my head. So many things on my to-list. My calendar is not empty. 2 doctors appointments this week. 3 events. Field trip. Meetings. Dentist appt.

Really. How does this happen?

I am not a 100% but maybe I am trying to convince myself I am by overbooking , over extending, making myself crazy.

Until I flip the calender to the next week I am optimistic.

I proceed to flip it and then BAM...

Just push me over.

I am a sucker

2010-05-17T17:29:00.000-07:00

or a pushover.

I gave in.

Got alien boy a cellphone.

We had to take our store number move it to a cell phone.

I got Hubby's old number and gave the boy my phone.

we had to add texting. Yep,we had to. You would be super uncool if you didn't.

Now the boy can't mow the lawn without stopping to text. Unload the dishwasher without texting. Urghh.

Setting the ground rules right now.

Wait. He is not listening because he is texting.

I made him pay for 6 month of texting in advance.

There had to come some responsibility to owning a phone.

The bright side of all of this? He has not bugged his sister all afternoon.

Jeremy added texting to our phones. He then wanted to cancel it. Knowing we would never use it. I told him no, we are going to need to learn how so we can communicate with him.

It is happening. We are getting uncool. He is getting a life. It is going to be a long 15 years until he wants to hang out with us.

I am hating this.

damn it

2010-05-04T07:41:00.001-07:00

Oh, my sweet Carter where in the did you learn to say that word? Oh, what's that? From your ~~hot.good looking.hot~~ Mama? Now why would she ever say such a word?

Oh that's right...

When you took off your diaper and crapped all over my floor or when you took a pen to my couch and what about when you put goldfishes in the light switch and what about when you put barbie clothes and hair bows in the fish tank and that was all in ONE day, I am confident you heard that word ALOT.

Maybe you heard it when your dad asks me for the 100th time where he put some thing.a.ma.bob. , or when he leaves a huge mess in the clean kitchen at night so I can stumble my butt out of bed and look at his destruction.

You could have heard it when Matthew wouldn't stop picking on Miss America, or when Matthew decided that chewing gum belongs on the back of the chair and not in the garbage.

Oh, what about when I ask your brother a million times to pick up his dog's crap and he doesn't resulting in you stepping in it?

You had to have heard it when Miss America locked herself in the bathroom and I could not get her out. Or when she was in there decided my eyeshadow looked better on the floor in powder form.

You chanting the word "damn it" is a tad bit funny. Yes, I laugh and then feel really bad that I say such a thing. The bad feeling leaves pretty quickly because you and your siblings are on to some crazy plan on how to drive your mom crazy.

Our fishing Weekend..

2010-05-03T14:06:00.000-07:00

We had a mini getaway with my in-laws at their Lake house. It was opening day for lake fishing. Liv had to have a different outfit each time she went fishing. She caught her first fish. She wasn't to fond of the actual catching of the fish but really liked sitting out on the dock with her dad. It was rainy and we lost power but managed to have some fun through it all.

It took Matthew all day to catch his fish but he finally did! He can't wait to go back!

Chalk Monsters

2010-05-03T13:49:00.000-07:00

Chalk..the new body paint.

The girls had fun dressing up with the chalk..They really wanted the bath water to turn pink...imagine Liv's disappointment when it didn't :)

Let talk about something fun..

2010-04-30T16:13:00.000-07:00

After reading the last few posts it made realize how depressing I can sound.

I do laugh. I do have fun. I do enjoy what I can.

I find myself blogging about the deep stuff due to the fact I find it therapeutic.

But there is Fun in our home...and many things to make us feel blessed.

We are looking forward to camping...3 weeks till our big Memorial Day camping trip with our friends!

I got to see Miss America catch her first fish last weekend.

Carter has been sleeping through the night for over a month. As long as he is on his medication we no longer have to clean up puke.

Matthew is doing WONDERFUL at school.

The little kids love to lay in our bed and call for the "tickle man' to get them..

It only took a girl to get Matthew to brush his teeth twice a day, shower and wear matching clothes...

Miss America got 5 inches cut off her hair today...making her look older...

yeah..life is good.

And The Saga Continues

2010-04-30T15:42:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I had my MRI. I was looking forward to figuring out why the pain is much worse then before I went in. I was really expecting for them to call me and tell that I would need another surgery. In my head I had it all looking very optimistic.

Surgery. Recovery. Healing.

Enjoy Summer. Play with my kids. No more pain management.

No more more pills. Good exercise plan that included lots of walking and Core strengthening Yes, I would fantasize about such things. I would find myself daydreaming about how it was going to be. I could paint my front door. Finish decorating the house. After all we have lived here 5 years and my room is definitely not screaming " Tiffiny's sanctuary"

So imagine my surprise when they called me to tell me everything looked good, no surgery needed.

Then the bad news spilled out.

You have so much scar tissue around your nerve that is causing this pain. You will continue to have it and it will not go away. It does look bad and we can definitely see why your in pain.

The doctor would like you get a Spinal Cord stimulator. It is a device inserted in your back that will block the nerve pain ( along with set off Airport and retail store security ) and improve your quality of life.

Yes, I was excited to learn there was an option for me so I would not be in pain.
I was excited that another surgery wasn't needed.

But yet I cried. I felt discouraged.

It can take up to a year to get this device inserted.

I have FBSS...I call it FaceBook Stalking Syndrome but really it stands for Failed Back Surgery Syndrome.

The saga continues. There seems to be no quick answer. I would like for there to be. I know my husband, kids and family would like for this to be all over.

It won't be over for awhile. I had to come to terms with that last night. I had to really rely on my faith. I questioned the big man up stairs many times. I have cried out asking him "why me??' The only thing that kept coming back to me is "why NOT me?" I would not wish this upon anyone. So he has chosen this trial, this test for me to endure. I have to make the best of it.

I have to. I have 4 people counting on me.

All in your head?

2010-04-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

Feeling very inadequate lately. Not just physically but emotionally, spiritually and in many areas of my life.

Do any of you ever have that someone in your life that makes you feel like you doing everything wrong? I mean I am sure it it is all in my head and I am projecting my own insecurities on others but there has to come a time when you need to distance your self from one and ones behavior so you don't feel the inadequacy your feeling.

Why is it when your feeling such thoughts that you begin to think the whole world is up against you?

Depression maybe.

Do I think so? No

Pressure. Pressure from others to do what you THINK they want you to do and to give what you think they want from you even if you don't have it to give or if it is uncomfortable for you to give.

Maybe this is stemming from not feeling connected.

Looking at a mile long to-do list that you can't accomplish.

Whatever it maybe I sure hope it passes and that it was all in my head.

SUCK

2010-04-22T13:00:00.001-07:00

Really.

I went to the doctors on Thursday. I had a nerve test done which showed many things. I have serious nerve damage down my legs and into my toes.

I knew that. I didn't need 20 needles poking into me with shock waves filtering through them...I could have just told you that but I guess they have to wean out the fakers...

I then meet with the doctor.

3 of the suckiest options...

* MRI ...to get a better detail of the problem.

* He can do surgery this week...and make sure everything is alright and fix the problem again.

* or go with a different form of testing, one he doesn't recommend.

So..knowing me and my body I would say that a 5th surgery will be needed.

Oh, and guess what? He leaves for a month May 1st.

Good News ( there has to be some right??)

I have my MRI on the 29th..leaving him one day to tell me if surgery is needed...

In the mean time?

( enter Sarcasm here)

Yippee..Lucky Me..I get to live in and with this pain for at least another month.

Life at our house..

2010-04-18T07:30:00.000-07:00

This list will make you shy away from visiting us...but don't let it scare you, I mean some of things have to be normal. Right???

* Do NOT ride your bike on the trampoline..

* Please do NOT video yourself jumping from the roof..I don't care how cool you look or if Jacka** will take your submission video

* Keep you hand out of your diaper, do not try and aim your wink out of it so you can pee on the floor.

* I don't care if he/she hit you first, that gives you NO right to punch, spit, scratch and pinch your brother/sister. You need to come get your mom.

* Eggs are not balls. Do not throw them !

* If you eat like a dog then I will make you eat by our dog...( They got excited about that)

* Do not pull the dogs ears, hair, tail or try and poke out his eyes

* I can't find my___. ( you fill in the blank)

* Carter is climbing the fence again he is just about over. MOM HELP!

* Mom, Carter took his diaper off and Now you need to come see this big mess!

* If I have to count to 3 your in serious trouble

* Hiding in the dishwasher is not the best hiding spot

* Do NOT put your brother in the dryer. I don't care if he fits.

* I love you x 3

* Mom what is a butthole? MATTHEW Don't say that in front of her ever again..don't say it period!

* Mom? Why are your boobies bigger then alot of people? ( I wanted to say "have you seen my butt?" but I refrained)

...Stay tuned for more...

Big Date

2010-04-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

Yipee..I have a big date planned with my husband today. Today we are getting coffee and going off to find deals at garage sales. Not that we need anymore junk.

I am sure he would rather stay in his warm cozy bed but he is getting up for me. I have been up since 5:30 for 2 reasons..I am in alot of pain and I was so excited to leave the house.

I can be in pain here or I can be in pain out in the real world.

I even have a babysitter coming over so we can enjoy ourselves , not come home with a bunch of 25 cents stuffed animals and barbies.

I drove once but it was so painful...I don't think I am up for that challenge anytime soon unless I have to. It feels like I am living in a mansion...I have helpers who come and do laundry, clean the house and drive me around...You would think I was rich.

I am so grateful for everyone who is taking time out of their life to help out our family. I just wish I didn't need it. I go in this week to my doctor for more testing and to figure out where to go from here.

Today I will savor the moments with dear hubby....no kids..no whining, no kicking the seats, no begging for McDonald's, no hitting, no crying, and no loading and unloading children in their car seats..

Today WILL be a good day.

One Month

2010-04-13T09:05:00.001-07:00

Since surgery.

I am I feeling better? Not really. Yes, things are improving. I can unload the dishwasher. I can walk around more.

The pain is out of control in the mornings and evenings.

I think I officially hate my pajama pants. Yes, me...the one who ADORED her pajama pants wishes she had a place to go so she could take them off and put on jeans.

I wonder if I still remember how to drive. Maybe I should take the test again just to make sure.

I have an appointment with the doctor next week. Hoping to find out more answers.

One month...I am trying to not to think that it has been wasted but that's about how I feel.

Not Claiming To Be Perfect

2010-04-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

No, I am not perfect. I am not the perfect wife, mom, sister or friend. I wish I was. I wish for a split second that I would think before I speak. That I would not have a tornado of emotions inside of me on any given day.

Do I expect perfection from my family or friends? No. Never.

So why would people ever think that I am perfect?

Why would people be so envious of things I can't control?

It is okay to want to have abilities like someone but to be jealous of them??

My best friend is a Tech wizard. ANYTHING dealing with computers , phones, cameras or gadgets she is your gal. Am I JEALOUS of her? To the point of me not wanting to be friends with her? NO! Do I have a bit of envy in me? Yes but not enough to dwell on it.

Another friend..we don't have the same views on a few points but do I walk away thinking I could never be her friend? No.

And I HATE when people tell me I am intimidating to them. Really? What did I do? NOTHING...I bet I didn't even talk. I bet I was shy and reserved.

You are projecting your own insecurities on me and trying to make me feel bad for what?

Just so it is in writing and all you haters out there I am not perfect. I don't have a perfect husband, kids, dog, house , relationships...I wish I did...life would then be perfect for me..

Not really.

Tulips & Farms..

2010-04-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we drove down to see the Tulips. Jeremy works down there and decided to to take us to Golden Glen Creamery to see how cheese was made. They had 3 goats that would follow us around. One tried eating Carter's hair, another tried eating our clothes. They where so fun! We stayed about 30 minutes. We then drove around looking at the fields then decided to stop off for Ice-cream at the local produce stand. We spent a good hour there. Carter LOVED his ice-cream.

Jeremy knew a farmer that had the Tulips right behind their farm so we parked there and went into the fields..that last all about 2o minutes. Just enough to snap a few pictures...the kids where very tired. We went right at milking time so the kids could see the cows being milked. Olivia is just like me when it comes to smells...we both had our noses plugged. :) We took the long way back home..enjoying our family time, talking and just being together...

I am paying for it today...that was a big day for me...it was good for the spirit...just not the body..

So tired..she fell asleep with the straw in her mouth.